A Positive Change

A quick and powerful way to change your kids’ negative behaviour is to focus on the positive behaviour instead.

By praising their efforts, however small (picking up their rubbish/putting their shoes away/giving you a hug) they begin to associate pleasure/reward with their positive behaviour. And by ignoring bad behaviour (minor behaviour) as well, the message that positive behaviour gets them the attention/reward that they want, will further enhance the transformation to a more positive and kinder child.

A great way to boost their feelings of positivity further and enhance their levels of happiness, it to ask them to write down three things that they are grateful for or that went well for them that day, along with three acts of kindness that they carried out that day in a gratitude journal.

Rewarding your child for their kindness (no major rewards necessary – keep it simple from a DVD night to choosing dinner to a chocolate bar on the way home) will motivate them further to be kind and the more they focus on acts of kindness, the more kinder and positive they will become.

When we repeat a behaviour it soon becomes a habit so by helping your child form to focus on kindness and gratitude you are helping them become a more positive and happier child and adult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr Angry is calling….

I have an adult daughter and two teenage boys and the latter keep me on my toes and my mind seeking peace and quiet!

My eldest son was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, along with anxiety and a number of learning issues too.  He also has many ASD traits, however, I refused to go ahead with a diagnosis. When I found out about his learning difficulties and anxiety, things became a lot clearer – in regard to his anger outbursts.

My son has always had an anger problem – right from the word go and I blame a traumatic birth for this. Birth trauma, as you may know, can cause difficulties for children later in life or indeed, in adulthood. His rages would last for hours when he was younger, and if you have never never witnessed a meltdown, believe you me they are not a pretty sight!

As my son has got older, he has better learnt to keep a lid on his anger though when he lets loose now, it can be a very scary experience. He is no longer a child but a fully grown young man. Having been passed from pillar to post and back again, there has been no proper ‘anger management’ program offered to him from the medical profession, which I find strange, as helping a child manage their emotions is surely the way forward?

The downside of the ‘angry’ child is that they are seen as ‘naughty’ and ‘brattish’ and as for their parents, well should they have had kids? However, get to the very heart of the angry child and the cause of their anger, and you are guaranteed to see a hurt, sad, fearful and/or frustrated child. A child that desperately needs help!

And for the angry child – they generally get an angry response or despair in instead of the calm, comforting voice that they need. I know – there are many a time when I have lost my patience with my son instead of walking away and letting him calm down before I offer a listening ear and some comforting, yet constructive words.

Yes kids need to know that violence and aggression are unacceptable (anger however is a real emotion and acts as a warning to us) however if we don’t show them a better way, or provide them with an alternative way to respond, then how will things change? How will they manage or even get rid of their anger response?

I only wish I had meditated with my son from an early age as regular mediation practice is an excellent way to calm the mind and bring focus and peace into your life. Practising breathing techniques which can help in the moment, further enhance a quicker return to a more calmer, focused mind. And once your child begins to feel calmer, they will begin to take back control of their anger response.

Using NLP tools such as the Stop Pattern are a great way to change the negative thoughts that underpin those angry outbursts and change your awareness to more positive thoughts, beliefs and feelings instead. After all, it is your THOUGHTS than affect how you FEEL and if you change how you think, you will change how you feel.

Limiting beliefs more often than not underpin anger, especially in children – feelings of not being good enough and self doubt. By getting your child to focus on their strengths instead of any weaknesses, or by focusing on a positive belief instead (I am good enough) you can help them feel better about themselves and this will ultimately reduce feelings of anxiety about their performance.

I can not stress enough how wonderful meditation is for all and this along with breathing exercises, can help your child take back control of their anger. And by uncovering and changing limiting beliefs, you have a more permanent and long term solution to a calmer and more positive outlook.

So make a change to your child’s life today – I only wish I had done this earlier with my son – and start them on their journey to self discovery, self control and a calmer and happier life.

Check out my meditations on YouTube too and videos covering breathing exercises for kids.