Faster Than Before

I am a fully qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, EFT Practitioner, Reiki Master, Time Line Therapist, Anger Management and Weight Management Consultant and Meditation Teacher amongst other things…..phew!

I use most of what I have learnt during my sessions with clients and there are one or two things that I find work well and which I enjoy using  myself too. Visualization is incredibly powerful and can lift your mood as well as transform your future. But what about letting go of the proverbial crap from your past?

I stumbled on Faster EFT recently – the ‘baby’ of Robert Smith (no not that Robert Smith…). I love EFT as I find it calming, soothing and incredibly quick at letting go of hurts and trauma from the past, however this Faster EFT not only works just as effectively as EFT, it is also quicker and easier to use. And what I like the most is, its a tool which my clients can utilise away from therapy too. Win;Win all round!

The process is simple to follow and works quickly on releasing ‘trapped’ emotions from the past and if you don’t think you carry around trapped emotions, think of a memory which was particularly upsetting to you at the time or frightening and notice how you can still feel those old feelings.

Basically you focus on a ‘bad’ memory, and the feelings it brings up in you whilst tapping certain acupressure points on your face and collar bone and that’s it! Simple. Effective and quick. I like it and it works well with my clients too!

I use Faster EFT myself, especially after a bad day or if I have any unexplained aches and pains – its awesome! So if you are struggling to let go of the past or any limiting beliefs, give this amazing tool a go. Visit my website to access a free copy of how to do Faster EFT or have a look on YouTube – there are plenty of videos on there which you can tap along to!

Have a peek at the free Faster EFT script courtesy of Robert Smith – and have a go. You have everything to gain and nothing what so ever to lose!

Live A Little

Mornings with kids and a dog can be pretty hectic especially when you work. So this morning was no different than most school mornings. I had to chase my middle child out of the door to get the school bus, then take the dog out for a quick run, dash home in time to get the youngest up…..and so goes another school morning.

I know like many parents, I go into ‘automatic’  mode on these school mornings. Get kids up, ensure they get dressed, shout at them to hurry up, get breakfast, shout again to ask what they are up to as it’s been fifteen minutes and they are still not dressed or downstairs. All the while I’m getting myself ready, along with breakfast and lunches, if I didn’t have time to do them the night before.

Mornings become a mundane ritual of shouting, chasing the kids and general chaos.  I look forward to the half an hour out with the dog to be honest! However, do my mornings always have to be so ‘moody’ and intense? Why do I always have to rush around and shout? Is it not possible to approach the start of the day in a more proactive and fun way? Surely there must be a better start to the day than chaos and noise?

My youngest came in to my room this morning to ask if I’d signed a letter which of course had to be in today – so I was less than chuffed as we had only a few minutes to get out. He sat on the bed and gave me a hug. Then he said ‘after three lets just fall back.’ My initial reaction was to say no, don’t be silly, we need to get out to school and he immediately picked up on this even though I changed my mind at the last minute and we both feel back laughing.

He knew what my response would have been. No fun mum before school! Instead I thought what the hell, he’s my son and why not have a few minutes of fun time instead? So we had a tickle fight and both of us ended up laughing so hard we had tummy aches. Now that was certainly a better way to start the day than the ‘norm’.

We both went off on the school run in better spirits and will undoubtedly have a better start to our day as a result. By showing him that mornings could be fun, his whole mood lifted. Lead by example. It’s hard for a ten year old to be full of beans in the morning if all you are doing is nagging them!

So next time you feel your life becoming stagnant or too prone to dullness – take a few minutes to inject a bit of fun into your life – it makes a huge difference to how you feel and how you approach life too. And besides, others benefit from your upbeat mood too.

Instead of shouting at the kids to get ready, make getting ready into a game. First one downstairs dressed and ready for school gets to chose the DVD that evening. Or set a timer and record their times for getting ready and ask them if they think they could beat their best time yet. Kids love a challenge and a competition! Tell them that if they beat you getting dressed they get a treat ….use your imagination! Your kids will be more willing to have fun and get ready believe you me, than listen to you nagging each and every morning. And if they feel happier and more motivated to get ready, imagine how much better the mornings will be for you too. Who knows you might even start the day with a smile!

So many people have forgotten how to have fun – and more depressingly cant even have fun with the kids – and no, dragging your kids shopping is NOT fun. Get them out  on a bike through the puddles. Get them climbing trees. Lighten up and you may begin to notice that the whole world lightens up with you!

Change the mundane. Have fun. Smile and be happy. It IS a choice. So choose well and live a little..

Weight A Minute

I have a lot of respect for people who ‘own’ their problems and as a therapist, in order to help people overcome issues in their lives, they have to accept responsibility for them. That does not mean to say that they are to ‘blame’ for these issues, it merely means that they are willing to admit that these issues are affecting their lives.

I work with many people who are overweight and I am more than happy to help people who accept that something they are doing, or not doing, is leading to their weight issues. After all, if people refuse to believe that they are in any way responsible – how can I help them? I can try and tackle the manufacturers of the crap they eat, or the owners of the fast food joints they are addicted to – but seriously, even if I managed to close these guys down, would that really help my client?

I offer free consultations to all perspective clients and I met a woman recently who asked for help with her weight issues. During the consultation it become obvious that she refused to accept responsibility for her being overweight. She failed to see how anything she did or didn’t do resulted in her firstly being overweight and secondly, her inability to shift the excess weight. She had no health related issues that would affect her weight.

Asking about her past it became apparent that she had a lot of unresolved anger surrounding her apparent mistreatment by her parents. Once again, she refused to admit that carrying around anger from her childhood was her choice and hence her responsibility. In fact she was incredibly upset that I was not on her ‘side’ with regards to how she had a right to still feel angry fifty years later.

At the end of the consultation I asked her how I could help her. She stated plainly, ‘by helping me to lose weight.’ I nodded to show I understood. I then asked her how she believed I could help her. She was stumped.

I then went on to explain how I worked with weight loss clients to overcome any emotional attachments they may have to food, as well as poor eating habits and any unresolved issues or misunderstandings from the past that could impact on their eating habits at present. However, as she had clearly (and adamantly) stated during the consultation, that she had no such issues, I was unable to help her at this time.

Needless to say she was less than happy, very angry at the wasted time and off she went, never to be seen by me again!

However, if she had have been open to the fact that something she was doing was causing her issues, like every one of the clients I see, I could have helped her. But how can I help someone who does not want to be helped? How can you help someone if they cannot see their part in the problem, especially when they know there is a problem? You can’t.

Until you appreciate that every issue you have is your issue – regardless of where it came from – you  cannot move on. You cannot resolve any problems until you see that you are responsible for resolving them or dealing with them – no one else. It doesn’t matter how they came about, all that matters is that you realise you have a problem and that it is down to you to do something about it.

I have helped hundreds of people shed their excess weight – and I love seeing how thrilled they are when they get the results they wanted. The best thing is, these clients were totally honest from the start, some embarrassed by their poor eating habits or mortified by their lifestyle choices, but they bit the proverbial bullet and took ownership of their part in their excessive weight and as a result, were rewarded by an amazing and wonderful weight loss experience!

So next time you moan about your weigh,t ask yourself what you can do to help you let go of your excess weight. No one else can lose your weight for you – only you can do that. And you can only lose weight if you are honest with yourself first.

Roll With It

I fell off my bike this morning – thankfully on the way back from dropping my son off at school. It was my fault. I hit the kerb wrong and the bike slid from under me, leaving me sprawled on the floor in a lot of pain I can say! I picked myself up, relieved that no one else was witness to my fall from grace and mounted my bike, saddle skewed and rode home somewhat downbeat.

The painful lesson I learned this morning – to slow down when mounting a kerb and not to abuse my rights as a cyclist. I’d been going down a one-way street at the time – the wrong way. Now if I’d seen a motorist do the same when I was on my bike……

This painful experience got me thinking. When something goes wrong in our lives it is all too easy to blame everybody else, the Universe and it’s mother (nature?) than it is for us to accept some, if not full responsibility for what has happened. It’s all too easy to carry round our pain (emotional) as badges of honour as to how unfair the world really is.

Okay your ex was a cheating b***d and your friend takes you for granted, but what can you learn from these experiences that will allow you to leave them in the past and move on a little wiser into the bargain?

I truly believe that every experience or encounter we have in life can teach us a lesson, whether it be good or bad, if we are willing to learn. I always tell my kids and my clients that what people do and how they treat other people is their responsibility, how you respond is yours.

If your partner cheated, then what made them cheat? Are they a serial cheater or was it more about your inability to show love and affection that drove them away? If it was the first then show them the door, and if it was the second, then learn from the experience and move on. Find ways to open up more in your relationship or future relationships to avoid the same thing happening again.

There is always a reason for cheating. It may not be your fault but you chose your partner and I’m sorry to have to say this, but yes, there are usually always signs when someone is being unfaithful, and if you choose to overlook them, rather than deal with then, you will face the consequences at some point. If you choose to live with someone who disrespects you then you are equally to blame.

Failing relationships, prejudice, altercations with others, are all signs that you need to learn something about yourself. I recently had a heated debate with someone regarding messaging. I love texting but it’s not a big thing for me, however, for the other person it was their way of seeking reassurance through regular texting. Both of us felt the other was at fault (one for not texting enough and the other for texting too much), so angry words and some upset later, nothing was resolved.

As I sat fuming, I realised there was nothing I could do to change the other person so I needed to learn something about how I responded in this situation instead, only then would I stop going over the conversation in my head!

So what did the experience teach me? That people have different expectations when it comes to relationships and that that in itself is okay. However, my response was anything but okay. I allowed myself to get upset about someone’s expectations of how I should behave. They have a right to their expectations as I do mine and if their expectations differ to such an extent that it makes me feel uncomfortable, then I need to accept responsibility for this not them! Either I accept these differences and live with them, or I move on.

So I now know that I don’t ‘do’ needy people very well and that I, not them, need to address this. After all, if they are happy with who they are and what they do, how could I change that, or indeed, why did I feel I had the right to ask them to change? I needed to understand that this individual had reasons for wanting regular texts, just as I had reasons for being averse to regular and timely texting!

We all have different expectations of one another and that’s okay. We all have different life experiences, which have led us to be the unique individuals we are today and that’s great. However, we need to learn that whilst we are all different, we are all unique and awesome in our own right and no one has the right to take that away from us.

Learning from broken relationships, arguments, disagreements and other people can not only change how we deal with people but ourselves too. When we learn to see the issues we carry around with us daily, we can begin to understand that others too have their own issues to deal with. How we deal with people is our responsibility. How we treat ourselves is mirrored by how others treat us.

So learn to respect yourself and people will learn to respect you. Learn to respect others and they will learn to respect you. You may not agree with what they do but I guarantee they will probably not agree with what you do either.

So learn wisely and move on. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves and how we respond to others. By realizing we are all different, we can gain some advantage in how we handle those people who perhaps push our buttons. After all, they can only upset us if we allow them too.

Celebrate you uniqueness and respect others’ uniqueness too and who knows, the world may become a whole lot more peaceful.