How’s The Fit?

Just in from a lovely walk with the dogs where I got to thinking about ‘fitting in’.

I met a friend whilst out who has  lost a lot of weight (you should never say you want to lose weight or you will look to find it subconsciously at some point later) and how she loved buying clothes now. That got me thinking about how my eldest son has changed his outward appearance over the last few years – thankfully!

Gone is his daily tracksuit attire and in are jeans and jumpers. It may be an age thing – but then I see men of all ages wearing tracksuits and they are almost certainly not going to the gym. Saying that – they are entitled to wear what they want to wear.

When I thought about his change I have to look at his closest friend – who is Spanish and always dresses well. Perhaps he has been the influence on my son’s change of wardrobe. Yes he still wears joggers but more so now for the gym.

But what drives our sense of style? What drives our need for success? What forces us to be someone who follows the crowd?

When I look at most of the young girls today they all look pretty similar to me. Long straight hair and similar attire. I suppose I was no different in my teens – though very different in my early twenties.

Man is driven by the need to ‘fit in’. To be like everyone else in order to survive. We generally like people who are like ourselves and tend to accept these people readily into our inner circle.

Our need to feel loved and accepted is high. When we feel rejected we feel bad and looking different brings with it a higher level of rejection, as does having different view points, being passionate about something, or speaking out.

So many just plod along, being like everyone else. Striving for recognition from friends and colleagues or even the man in the street. Buying the latest trend, the best car, loving what everyone else loves in the desperate need to feel ‘the same’ to feel included and accepted.

Thousands of years ago to be in a community meant safety and survival. You were more likely to survive if there were many of you watching out for wild animals and hunting for food and this need to be part of a community has stayed with us, not through a real need to survive, but an imagined need to fit in and be accepted in order to ‘survive’.

In order for us to survive today, we have to be accepted, successful, admired by others, and indeed, be the same as the others. Yet do we? A child in order to survive needs a mother and in order to thrive needs a mother’s love. However there is no greater love than self love and if you love and accept yourself, you are less needy of external verification. You know you matter and you don’t need others to verify this.

Rejection is hard and each and everyone of us will know this, however rejection of the self is more destructive. When we live up to others standards and follow their lead, we may seem to fit in, but do we really feel happy?

Rejection of the self is damaging on an emotional, mental and physical level. It can destroy our confidence and self worth. When we begin to accept ourselves for the individuals we are we become happier, more successful (and I am not relating to work success or financial success only here but emotional, relationship etc too), more at peace with ourselves.

So next time someone tells you to watch what you say when you express an opinion, be glad that you had the guts to express it and not bad that it wasn’t the same as theirs. When anyone laughs at your new hair cut – love it more! If someone judges you by the clothes you wear then be glad that you have the money to buy clothes!

But most of all, understand those that judge you for being different, for they truly haven’t found the strength to be themselves. They haven’t the voice to shout out ‘this is me’. They haven’t learnt the power of self love and acceptance.

Be unique. Be true to yourself, Be you.


Unlearn Those Limiting Beliefs

Now most people at some point in their lives feel a little anxious about something, whether it be about how they perform, how the look or what they believe to be acceptable and most anxieties are linked to what we believe about ourselves or the world.

If you dread giving presentations or speaking up in meetings it is most likely that you feel you are going to be judged unfairly. So why do many people have a fear of being judged? Why do many people avoid those social situations which many people thrive in?

Well it all comes down to your beliefs and more likely, the beliefs you hold about yourself. If you believe that you are not good enough or that you will always fail, then it’s no surprise that you feel ‘not good enough’ and act accordingly. However if you believe you are good enough, you feel differently about yourself and you behave in a very different way.

Now beliefs are formed in many different ways, usually from past experiences, but the important thing to note here is, just as beliefs get ‘learnt’ at some point in your life, they can be unlearnt too!

A belief is something we believe to be true at our deepest level and unfortunately most humans feel they are intrinsically bad or not good enough. But s this true?

Are you really bad or not good enough or is it simply that you fail to live up to others’ expectations?

I would hazard a guess that you are good enough and that you are a good person. You may occasionally say or do ‘bad’ things but does that make you a bad person? You may be awful at singing and scared rigid of presenting in front of people, but are you really not good enough?

Telling yourself you are good enough or a good person each and every day is unlikely to change your limiting belief of yourself, however bringing doubt into the equation will. Did you believe 100% in Father Christmas? Did you believe 100% that you first love was the ‘one’

When you start to hear different stories about the existence of Father Christmas or see things differently once the ‘honeymoon’ period of the romance is over, you change the way you see things and ultimately your belief system.

It is said that every breakthrough in personal development comes from a change in belief. So how can you change a limiting belief?

By simply following the seven steps below – which are widely used by therapists and individuals alike with a high percentage of success. This works so well as it allows you to begin to doubt those limiting beliefs that have held you hostage for so long. Once you doubt a belief, you can begin to unpick it and then replace it with a new empowering one instead. And it’s important to replace any limiting belief with a new positive one as the old one could creep back into your life and we certainly don’t want that do we?

Belief Change Process

Ask yourself these questions in relation to the limiting belief. It’s more powerful if you write the answers down too – it makes for a quicker belief change process.

  1. Is this belief or statement completely true? 100% true?
  2. Can you be 100% sure that it is true? All of the time? (really???)
  3. What does you keeping hold of this belief do to you? Does it help in any way?
  4. Who will you become in ten years if you continue to hold on to this belief?
  5. What will the costs be to you (and others) if you do not change this belief now?
  6. Who would you become and how differently would you think, act and feel if you let go of this old belief?
  7. Create a new belief to replace the old one. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Daily, hourly or whenever you doubt yourself. State your new belief with feelings. Attach positive emotions to it to make it more compelling than the old belief.

Also, for step 7 make sure you use a belief that you can believe in. If ‘I am amazing’ feels too out there then simply state ‘I am good enough (though your probably are amazing!).

And make sure you have a positive belief statement i.e. I am good enough or I am enough NOT I am not a bad person.

Take time to work through this process and really think about your answers.  If you need to work through this daily until you notice a shift, then do so.  Repeat your new belief when ever you can. Write it down on a card or on your mirror to remind you daily how amazing you are!

Good luck.



Is It Me…?

I’m not perfect. Never said I was.

I make mistakes. I’m human.

I have a different opinion from you. That’s okay.

I have a different outlook on life. I have different life experiences from you.

I have a different political view from you. I have a different view of the world.

I am different from you. And that’s ‘bad’?

Is it?

I differ in how I see life. Does that make me a ‘bad’ person?

I walk a different path from you. Does that make me a ‘bad’ person?

I make mistakes. Does that make me ‘bad’?

I do things differently from you. Does that make me ‘bad’?

I question your opinions, your views. Does that make me ‘bad’?


Your opinion of me makes me ‘bad’. 

Your inability to accept others’ differences makes me ‘bad’.

Your need to conform makes me ‘bad’.

Your insecurities make me ‘bad’.

Your ‘perfection’ makes my ‘imperfection’ bad.

Yet last time I checked. You were human too. You make mistakes too. You have a different outlook on life too. You have different life experiences too. You are imperfect too.

We are all imperfectly perfect.

I am NOT bad because I have a different view of the world we live in.

I am NOT bad because I ask you to accept responsibility for your actions.

I am NOT bad because I am not willing to accept your view on religion, race, colour, creed, politics, status, success, love, colour schemes, diet, exercise, weight, books….

I am merely me. You are you. I am different. You are different. I am intrinsically good. So are you.

When you judge others based on your ‘ideals’ (and they are just that – your ideals) realise that people may be judging you based on your ideals too.

Judge less.

Tolerate more.

Hate less.

Love more.

Blame less.

Forgive more.

Criticise less.

Thank more.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You!





Self Love as a Healing Modality

If you feel like you’re constantly being rejected by others or feeling unworthy and unloved, it’s a pretty bleak place to be isn’t it? But what if you could change this place for a more loving and abundant place instead? Would you be willing to move?

The great thing is is that with some simple self love you can become a very different person living a more fulfilling life and you don’t need to rely on anyone else to start your journey!

Feeling unloved or rejected has it’s roots in childhood usually with some form of  ‘obvious’ rejection such as a parent walking out on you when you were a child or being bullied, or it could be a perceived rejection such as a parent ignoring you when you want their attention or a friend ignoring you one day at school.

It’s easier to see how we can feel unloved and abandoned when a parent walks out on us but it’s harder to understand how we can begin to feel unloved when a parent simply ignores our demands for attention. However as a child out whole world evolves around us quite literally and if someone ignores us, treats us badly, we begin to doubt our self worth and we create a misunderstanding that we are somehow unlovable or wrong as a result.

Once we form that seed of doubt, of feeling unlovable, we then begin to change how we view our world. Instead of seeing love in everything we do and experience, we begin to see rejection and over a relatively short period of time we can form the belief that we are unworthy or unlovable.

From then on in, an ignored text, or a harsh word from another person backs up that belief that we are unlovable or unworthy of being treated nicely. And isn’t it a shame that you waste your life feeling unloved or unimportant based on a misunderstanding from your childhood or someone else’s inability to love you?

The great thing is you can change how you feel about yourself and how you see ‘rejection’. How? By practising self love. By being aware that there is a part of you that craves love, that seeks love in most things you do and somehow always feels disappointed when that love never shows up.

So stop looking to the outside world for that love and start looking within yourself. Stop looking for people to verify your self worth and verify it yourself. Stop looking to relationships to make you feel ‘whole’ and make yourself feel ‘whole’.

Self love is the most important love of all. Without self love you will continue to feel unloved,  no matter how much love is in your life. And Self love allows you to feel loved, validated, important and worthy. And it’s an incredibly easy journey to take.

Initially it may well feel embarrassing or awkward telling yourself how amazing you are and how much you love yourself, but with perseverance, it will begin to feel more natural and eventually it will begin to feel incredible!

I was introduced to self love or ‘meta’ through a Buddhist Meditation Practice and I love it! It is an incredibly empowering way to start the day. No longer waiting for external verification to feel good,  you can go right on ahead and love yourself. Simple.

So give yourself an extra ten minutes in bed every morning or find a sacred place where you can practice ‘meta’ or self love. Of if you have some issues you need to work on, set aside some time to work through them.

Start by taking a three deep breaths in and slowly breathing out through your mouth. Focus on letting go and relaxing on every out breath. Then simply focus on your breathing and place your hands over your heart centre (in the middle of your chest). To begin with – if you feel it difficult to feel loving towards yourself – think of a loving, happy memory and focus on the feelings they create within you and the thoughts that come up.

Once you feel loving – simply focus on an image of you in your mind – as you are now or a younger you that might need this love – whilst telling yourself ‘I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you for being so amazing’. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

As you repeat this mantra, feelings will surface – usually sadness or fear or anger and that’s okay. Breathe through these feelings and continue with the mantra. Remember if you feel unloved or unworthy these feelings will surface.

Memories may surface which may need your attention and again, focus on you in the memory and send the younger you so much love, support, gratitude, forgiveness or whatever it is that you think they need. Or simply keep repeating the mantra until you feel a shift in your energy, when you feel more peaceful.

You may well experience a lot of negative emotions initially when practising this and that’s okay as it releases pain from the past. If you need support – make sure you have a friend to help you through. It may well prove tough – but believe you me – it is worth it.

There will be times when you practise this and feel great. Revel in the positive feelings of love and gratitude, really feel how awesome it feels to feel loved and appreciated. Tell yourself how amazing you are, focus on things you have done well. You can send this love to others if you desire too – to family or friends who need it.

Self love is a healing tool in that it soothes and releases past hurts and as we release these and fill our hearts and bodies with love, kindness and forgiveness, we begin to feel a shift.

You can use this exercise to heal the past which inevitably will help you feel better, or as an exercise to boost your mood, to feel more loved and help you feel more positive about yourself. I would recommend that you go with whatever comes up. If it’s healing the past make sure you spend time at the end, focusing on love and gratitude to ensure you feel upbeat and positive when you finish.

After a couple of weeks or months you will begin to notice how differently you feel about yourself and indeed others. You may notice you begin to be kinder to yourself, more loving and supportive and you may notice as a result you are more loving and kinder to others too.

You may feel differently about events in your life and begin to see them in a different light. The more forgiving you are of yourself and others the more inner calm you will feel.

Love starts with you. The more you love yourself the more you see that rejection isn’t all about you. And if someone does reject you, you know what, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable, it just means you weren’t right for each other. Self love enables you to become a better mother, lover, sister, aunt, friend and person. It allows you to find pure joy in the simplest of experiences. You will feel much more grateful for what you have and that in itself, will increase your feelings of self worth.

So make a commitment today to practise self love every morning. I guarantee it will change your life!


I’m Sorry …

We come across many people in our everyday lives. Some enhance our lives whilst others detract from our daily satisfactions and others seem hell bent on making you pay for whatever shit they are dealing with in their lives or from their past!

I believe that we can learn a lot from the people that show up in our lives, especially when certain types of people show up regularly! There’s a learning there for the taking.

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Certain behaviours we find annoying in others may be a reflection of a behaviour we deny in ourselves which we may need to address such as anger, weakness, thoughtless etc

We can all have elements of these behaviours, but for some people these behaviours may be creating problems in their lives. Non of us are infallible. If you think you are, you may need to address this! 😂

Behaviours that upset us could also be a warning that we need to look at our belief system and address a limiting belief about ourselves or our world, or it could be showing us that we need to be more true to ourselves and not others.

You may come across rude or controlling people that ‘ push your button’ and it may well be that you need to address how you let others treat you. It may be a lesson in learning to stand up for yourself or to believe in yourself more.

Or it may mean you need to look at relationships where you too are controlling in some way.

There are always lessons to learn from behaviours that you find distasteful in others!

For example, I have recently met a woman who is highly controlling and I consider her behaviour rude. She, it appears, is entitled to be flexible, whilst she expects me to ask ‘how high’ when she tells (not asks) me to jump!

To say I find her manner frustrating is an understatement however I have asked myself why she should show up in my life. What is her controlling behaviour, her rudeness and her superiority flagging up within me?

The first learning. Stick up for yourself more. Now depending on who you ask, you may well get two sides to this!

Whilst I don’t take kindly to being messed around there are situations where I tolerate bad behaviour for the appearance of ‘professionalism’. However I can still be professional and say no thank you!

Tolerating disrespectful behaviour that is a ‘one off’ is fine, but when it forms the basis of a relationship, it needs to be dealt with accordingly. I am worthy of respect. Learning number two.

Also – is her overly controlling behaviour highlighting an element of controlling behaviour in me? I can certainly see situations where I can be controlling – I’m no where near as bad as I used to be but could I still loosen my parental reins? Probably. Lesson number three.

But it’s also interesting to see just how much I have already let go of the need to control my kids’ lives and this woman’s controlling behaviour has highlighted just how much I have changed and has helped me recognise this positive change. So all good so far! Lesson number four.

And honestly? This behaviour is this woman’s responsibility. It’s her ‘story’. She needs to own it. She needs to address it. Not me. Lesson number five.

But the main lesson? It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to say I’m sorry but I deserve better than this. It’s okay to walk away without any explanation. Lesson number six.

Wow! How amazing. Someone’s shitty behaviour has helped me see so much within me. Imagine if we all reflected on this how much more self awareness we’d have. How much better we would feel?

So if you continue to ‘invite’ people into your life with a behaviour trait that grates with you, ask yourself these two questions.

What behaviour in me do I dislike and need to address?

What limiting belief is this highlighting within me that I need to let go of?

We do not need to be held hostage by other people’s shitty behaviour and by working out why it pisses us off so much, we will find ourselves less and less bothered by obnoxious people. Now how awesome would that be?

Because, from where I am standing, well sitting, we are ALL worthy of respect. So expect nothing less.

You are amazing.

You are enough.

You deserve better.

Tapping Away With EFT

EFT or tapping as it is commonly known has been around for a fair few years and it’s a great way to release outdated patterns of behaviour, pain and limiting beliefs amongst other things.

So what is EFT or tapping? Well it’s a powerful tool which uses your mind, your meridians and focus in order to tap away anything that bothers you though you can’t make your noisy neighbour disappear!

The idea is that emotions from the past are trapped within us at an energy level (we are 100% made up of energy right down at the quantum level) and by tapping on certain points (on our meridians) we can release these trapped emotions and improve our mental, emotional and physical well-being.

If you don’t thing old emotions get trapped within our body – then take a moment to think about a bad memory. One that you can recall in some detail (not too distressing) and as you think about it, how did you feel? Could you feel that old emotion again? Now think of a happy memory and immerse yourself in it for a few moments and you will find that you can still feel those old happy feelings.

A phobia is a classic example of a trapped emotion (fear) that our mind has not processed properly which means that each time you see the trigger for your phobia, you feel panic straight away.

So by going back to old memories and tapping on how they made us feel, we can begin to release the attached emotion and release the negative impact on our lives. What you will notice is that old memories or limiting beliefs, once you tap away the emotion, will cease to have an impact on us.

If you have an old habit you want to get rid of or a phobia, then EFT is a great way to do it and to help you on your way I have attached a file for you to use which has some basic instructions on how to use EFT. I use the choices method as I find it more powerful as you are clearly stating that yoyour life. Life is all about choices!

So click on the link below and have a look at YouTube at the hundreds of videos on EFT and have a go. Or if you prefer get in contact and I can help you more towards a more calmer, happier you.

And remember ANY TAPPING IS BETTER THAN NO TAPPING, so happy tapping!

Click here for instructions – EFT Choice Method

Forgiveness and Inner Peace

I’ve already abandoned one of my New Years resolutions and decided it was time to work towards another in order to  move out of the stifling confinement created by my self imposing  comfort zone. So I took a deep breath and resolved to work on some old issues that were keeping me trapped and tortured – ouch!

So after the usual fight at bed time between my adorable (I am focusing on positives here in order to maintain inner serenity) boys, I sat in bed, turned the light off and meditated. I felt something stir and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, rest assured. The pain in my shoulder was desperately trying to gain my attention. Time to dig deep and uncover some dirt…

I ‘found’ a limiting belief that had made a dramatic appearance earlier that day and began tapping. EFT is an amazing tool which can help you release and let go of all the crap from the past – it’s great and if you’re like me, you can literally feel the changes happening as you let go of negative energy. (I much prefer the choice method of EFT which seems to shift issues quicker – Click the following link for a free copy of my instructions – EFT Choice Method

I tapped away on all the anger, sadness linked to the origins of this limiting belief – boy did I rant and cry and rant some more! (anger usually always masks fear and sadness) And then, all of a sudden, I stopped. I began to see that the pain I was feeling was as a result of the pain that my parents and others who were involved, were feeling. Yes, their actions and words had been cruel or harsh at times but why was that? More than likely because I had touched a nerve in them.

So my focus switched to forgiving my parents and those who I recognised attributed to this belief and what a difference that made! I literally noticed the heaviness in my shoulders lifting as I continued to tap, to forgive and to understand their pain and how their actions were simply as a result of the inner pain they felt.

When I felt lighter and the intensity of the initial pain dwindled, I realised that sometimes forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools to bring about transformation in the present, whilst letting go of the past. To recognise that the pain people cause you is intrinsically linked to the pain they feel inside is incredibly liberating. To understand this is to understand the idea of forgiveness.

After all, I am a parent and whilst I love my kids, there are times when I have been awful with them and why? Because of the pain that I hold inside me and the ways they trigger this pain. And knowing this was true for my parents too, helped me release a lot of perceived pain – pain that was never really mine to own!

So now I’ve decided to continue with forgiveness in order to feel less burdened in the present moment and I suggest you work on forgiveness too – and remember – to forgive yourself too. Remember, we all do the best we can with the inner resources we have, at any given moment.

So cut yourself some slack and start your forgiveness journey, with the help of EFT, today. You WILL notice a difference.

Take care.



Believe it or not…

I recently stumbled upon a system that I used to use for eliminating limiting beliefs both for myself and  my clients and marvelled at it’s simplicity and effectiveness.

A belief is something that we hold true about ourselves or our world and whilst we may know on an intellectual level that it’s not true, we feel it’s true on a gut level. For instance, we may argue that of course we are good enough, yet on some level we feel we’re not really good enough and it is this gut feeling that unfortunately runs our behaviour, thoughts and feelings.

We can remind ourselves daily through positive affirmations that we are good enough and ‘act as if’ we are good enough on a day to day basis but when something goes wrong, that old belief  ‘I’m not good enough’ comes up and bites us on our ass and says ‘see I told you you weren’t good enough’.

The only way to get over this limiting belief and any other limiting beliefs is to eliminate them completely and that way you will never again feel on any level that you aren’t good enough (though you may be bad at some things – I can’t sing but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t good enough – you just can’t sing!) and if you aren’t limited by this belief, imagine all the possibilities that could open up for you!

So how do you get rid of a limiting belief? Well one great way is to understand how beliefs are created in the first place! When we are kids, in order to make sense of our world, we attribute meaning to events that occur around us otherwise those events will just be meaningless events. For example, if your parents shouted at you for making mistakes, you may form the belief that ‘mistakes are bad’ and act on this for the rest of your life, too scared to try out new things in case you make a mistake.

However, the meaning you give an event is only ONE meaning – there are many other meaning that you could give an event. Instead of seeing that ‘mistakes are bad’ in your parents’ behaviour, you could see that ‘my parents’ believe mistakes are bad’ or ‘my parents’ really want me to succeed and that’s why they shout at me all the time’. And besides, just because my parents’ thought mistakes were bad, does that mean that they are?

And every time after that, when your parents shout at you for making a mistake, you attribute their behaviour to the belief, ‘mistakes are bad’.

When you go back to the events that caused you to believe your limiting belief and look for other meanings in those events other than the one you attributed to them (I’m mot good enough/mistakes are bad etc) you can begin to loosen the validity of your belief.

As mentioned earlier, events only have meaning because of the meaning you give them. Yes your mum may well have shouted at you each time you made a mistake, but does that really mean mistakes are bad, or was that the belief you attributed to her behaviour? Your mum may well have thought that by chastising your for getting things wrong she was helping you to make less mistakes in the future; she may well have thought making mistakes was bad but is that REALLY true? Think of penicillin!

Your mum may well not have been great at handling your mistakes – simple as that, but by you attributing ‘mistakes are bad’ to your mum’s behaviour, you created a belief system based on what you thought you saw in your mum’s behaviour.

By seeing other alternatives to your parents’ behaviour or events that created limiting beliefs, you begin to see that events only have meaning because you gave them meaning. So if you gave them meaning, then why not go back and give them another meaning? Instead of seeing ‘I’m not good enough’ you could see ‘my parent’s weren’t very good at praising me/supporting me’ or ‘my parents’ may have just been parenting the way they were parented and that doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough. And even if my parents did think I wasn’t good enough, it doesn’t mean that others will think I’m not good enough.

When you have come up with a few alternatives to the events that caused you to believe something negative, then go back to those events and see if you can actually see ‘I’m not good enough’ in those events. You probably won’t!

Then ask yourself if the limiting belief that you once held is really true. Feel if it’s still true on a gut level – if it is – keep going until you see something different in the events that caused you to have the limiting belief.

Remember, in order to make sense of events, we give meaning to them and this is based on our own experiences. So if you have created a limiting belief, go back into the past and create a new meaning to the events, and let go of those negative beliefs for good!

If you have limiting beliefs that are holding your back or would like help discovering what limiting beliefs you have (and seriously we all do have them) then give me a ring on 07532110457 or drop me a line today!

Bounce Back And See the Sun!

I had a conversation with someone recently about what makes us who we are, what makes us ‘tick’ so to speak. Is it our personality, our life experiences or it is something else completely different?

As a therapist I could list a number of factors that determine who we become or our personality such as biological, social, psychological or our genetic make-up, yet whilst all these factor in moulding us – they still do not determine who we really are. Why does one identical twin who has experienced the same childhood as his brother grow up to be so completely different from his twin that it would appear they lived very different lives?

When we grow up we learn from the world around us, from the people who surround us mainly our parents and care-givers. However it is not necessarily the events that we encounter along the road of life that shape our future selves, it is more the meaning we give those events that determine who we become.

Going back to the twins as an example – their father was an abusive alcoholic and often beat the boys. They had a miserable childhood. One twin grew up to be exactly like his father – an abusive alcoholic who treated his kids the same as his dad had treated him, whilst the other became a successful businessman and loving father. When asked why they turned out the way they did – both replied ‘well what else could I become with a father like mine?’

We could argue that these identical twins had the same biological and genetic make-up along with similar experiences and upbringing yet who they became as adults were two very different people. So if who we become as adults isn’t just about genetics and upbringing what is it about?

It is said that it is not the events in our life that make us who we are but how we interpret them. An event only has a meaning when we give it one. So when the guy pulls out in front of you and you have to slam your brakes on, your interpretation could be ‘how rude, who does he think he is.’ However the woman in the car behind you thinks ‘Phew that was a close shave. The guy obviously didn’t see that car coming!’ But whose interpretation is right? Well unless you stop the guy and ask him – who knows!

We read into events certain meanings based on our own belief systems and life experiences. Some people see the world as a bad place and they will probably interpret events very differently from an individual who sees the world as a great place to be. The words failure, rejection or disappointment conjure up pretty negative pictures in most people’s eyes but why?

Rejection could be seen as personal or as an incompatibility; a failure can be taken as proof that you aren’t good enough or feedback – next time I will try a different approach and disappointment might mean that the world is against you or it could be that something better is just around the corner.

How you see your world and the people in it determines how you live your life to a great extent and it is your beliefs that colour your everyday existence in this world. Your days could be grey and overcast or bright with a burst of sunshine – and the only thing that determines what hue your day will have is you.

So the woman in the shop was rude – so what! And the clutch in your car has finally given up the fight – well you were lucky your car passed it’s MOT for the last three years. You can spend each minute looking at the bad things in life which all adds up to hours, days, weeks, years and a life-time of hard work and disappointments or you could choose to see the good in everything you experience.

It’s hard to imagine that your outlook determines just how happy, successful, slim, confident, fulfilled you will be or are – yet it’s empowering to know that by simply eradicating those negative and limiting beliefs you have the potential to transform the world you live in by simply projecting onto it a new, happier, positive and supportive world.

If you find life a struggle then perhaps it’s time to work out what beliefs are holding your back – then and only then can you go on to change them into more supportive beliefs.

The Power Of Love

As a rather logical and analytical person I love to ‘work out’ how people tick and how to make them feel better – that’s why I do the job I do.

I use the power of the mind to help people overcome phobias, panic, depression, insomnia, low self esteem as well as many other life issues and I fully understand the concept behind the use of hypnosis as a healing tool. The mind or rather the unconscious mind is a very powerful tool – it is larger and more powerful than the conscious mind (will power) and hypnosis allows us to access this amazing ‘machine’ in order to release limiting beliefs, fears, negative thinking patterns etc more or less instantly.

But where is our mind located in our body? Most of us presume our mind is located in our brain but there is no conclusive evidence to suggest this is correct and whilst our brains are phenomenally powerful – no question about that – does it house our mind?

The left side of our brain is referred to as the logical mind – this is where we analyse information we receive in order to make decisions etc. The right side of our brain is the creative part and is where the subconscious mind lies. This is the part of the brain we use when singing, dreaming, or doing anything creative such as drawing or writing.

Our brains are incredibly powerful and can bring about incredible transformations in people when stimulated directly or indirectly (NLP, Hypnosis etc) however whilst our brains have incredible power, our hearts are where the real power lies.

When we compare our mind power to that of the heart – we can see that our hearts win hands down when it comes to sheer power. The following information is from the Heathmath Centre in the States –


Research by the Institute for HeartMath in California4 has shown that the heart is the most powerful generator of electromagnetic energy in the human body:

o The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain.

o The magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 5000 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain

o The electromagnetic energy of the heart not only envelops every cell of the human body, but also extends out in all directions in the space around us

o Our cardiac field touches those within 8 – 10 feet of where we are positioned (and perhaps in more subtle ways at greater distances)

o One person’s heart signal can effect another’s brainwaves, and heart-brain synchronization can occur between two people when they interact

o Research conducted at the Institute of HeartMath suggests that the heart’s field is an important carrier of information

Our mental and emotional state impacts the quality of contact we offer to another person. When we touch one another with safe, respectful, loving intention both physically and emotionally, we call into play the full healing power of the heart.

So when we consider all of the above information and take into consideration that our heart has the power to impact every cell in our body as well as influence how other people feel – why do we not use this powerful source of loving energy to transform how we feel and the world we live in?

Love is the most powerful emotion which can bring healing to our bodies and minds. By focusing on the power of love (calling to mind loving memories or the feeling of love) we can not only change how we feel immediately, we can begin to change how we feel long term too. Love can help you transform limiting beliefs, improve health and fitness, help heal wounds in relationships as well as helping you to lose weight!

The heart has more power than your brain and can influence every cell (including your brain cells) in your body. So if you want to feel happier – focus on loving thoughts whilst repeating ‘I feel happier and happier’ or if you want to curb those cravings, call to mind some loving feelings (from a memory or bring to mind someone you love very much) and they repeat in your mind ‘I am in control of my eating. I enjoy eating healthily’.

I use loving meditation all the time to change how I feel, to bring more peace into my mind and relationships, as well as transforming limiting beliefs into supporting positive ones.

So next time you come up against a problem in your life, take five minutes to sit down and bring to mind some loving memories or feelings and as you do focus on a solution to your problem. I recently wanted to change how I felt about someone I was meeting (I wasn’t particularly sure of how I felt about them) as I felt my reservations may impact negatively on our meeting. So I sat down for five minutes focused on some happy memories and then focused on the person I was due to meet whilst sending loving thoughts to them.

When I opened my eyes I felt more positive about this person and this was reflected when we met. As I shook there hand I felt a genuine warmth for them which created a more conducive atmosphere for a successful meeting.

Love really is all you need to change your world and I will be posting a video some time this week on how to transform your limiting beliefs with loving thoughts. So watch this space!

Spread the Love!