The difference between two

I wasn’t a happy bunny yesterday. Or the day before. Call it hormonal, having clients cancel last minute, feeling like a maid, banker, cook, decorator etc in my own home or simply, I was having a bad few days!

And that’s ok. As long as I don’t wallow in the crap and move on out of it sooner rather than later.

We all have bad hours, minutes, days and that’s life. I will say that again, we all have bad days. How we respond to those is where the difference lies. But this post ain’t about that.

It’s about how others deal with your bad mood.

My two sons were home yesterday and I rarely get in a mood as such. I’m aware that I’m ‘on one’ and presently warn both my boys to leave me well alone.

The eldest immediately takes this on as a problem with him. I’m being rude and unhelpful and he’s wanting x and y and why am I being such a bitch?

Needless to say he did suffer for his insistence to take on my mood. To challenge it. To say ‘how dare you be a moody bitch’.

The youngest? He simply acknowledged what I said. Gave me space. Asked, after an outburst, if I was okay. He left me to wallow in my shit, be a moody bitch as he realised it wasn’t about him.

The difference in emotional intelligence was very obvious last night. One child can see the mood and accept it and let it go. The other could not, would not and ended up joining me in a mood!

What this highlighted for me was MY need to back off more then my kids are having a bad day. Or others for that matter. Their mood is NOT about me. It’s about them. I can be absent yet supportive. Give them space to be yet be there if they need to talk.

The complete difference in how my boys handled my mood was very evident and provided me with an insight into how I respond to their moods! How’s that for an eye opener!

So next time someone has a bad day, cut them some slack. Give them space yet let them know you’re there for them if they need you.

We are all human. We all need to respect that we fuck up!

Space. Respect. Support.

Simple!

Namaste 🙏

Energy Transfer

I was working with a student the other day, looking at physics and the topic of energy transfer. We discussed how energy can neither be created nor destroyed and the concept of useful energy versus wasted energy.

On my drive home, I mulled over the lesson and thought about the context of energy use being either useful or wasteful in our daily lives and was immediately inspired to become mindful of my daily energy usage.

We all have a certain amount of energy to ‘spend’ each day on eating, walking, laughing, worrying, smiling, frowning. loving, hating etc and most of us are not in the least aware of how we spend our energy each day.

If you’re feeling drained at the end of each day, then ask yourself how much energy do you give yourself each day? How much energy do you give out lovingly to others? How much energy do you give through self love and appreciation? How much energy do you save from stopping the worrying and doing something constructive instead? How much energy do you conserve from letting the little things go and taking 10 minutes to be still?

When you spend your energy constantly cursing other drivers on the road (on on my favourite energy wasting activities), worrying over every detail of your life, running around after and/or seeking validation from others, then you are wasting your precious energy on unskillful practices.

When you begin to see there are two ways to spend your energy – one that can drain you and leave you feeling tired and dissatisfied, or another than can leave you feeling full of life, happy and feeling in love with life, you CAN begin to make wise and skillful choices.

Mindfulness is a skill which can help transform you life (as can regular meditation) and being aware of how you CHOOSE to spend your energy is a powerful exercise in self awareness.

Spending your energy wisely, skillfully and on positive things that will enhance your standard of physical, mental and emotional welfare will benefit you greatly and will give you inner space to enjoy life more.

Make a conscious decision today to look at your energy expenditure and to  spend it wisely. What is the use of getting angry and upset about someone who’s being a prat for the day/hour/minute? It’s so much easier to see that you yourself have been that prat – so move on, love more and spend your energy wisely!

Not only will you feel better you may notice a difference in your depression, anxiety or self esteem too.

Live a better life. Life your best life.

Namaste!

 

How’s The Fit?

Just in from a lovely walk with the dogs where I got to thinking about ‘fitting in’.

I met a friend whilst out who has  lost a lot of weight (you should never say you want to lose weight or you will look to find it subconsciously at some point later) and how she loved buying clothes now. That got me thinking about how my eldest son has changed his outward appearance over the last few years – thankfully!

Gone is his daily tracksuit attire and in are jeans and jumpers. It may be an age thing – but then I see men of all ages wearing tracksuits and they are almost certainly not going to the gym. Saying that – they are entitled to wear what they want to wear.

When I thought about his change I have to look at his closest friend – who is Spanish and always dresses well. Perhaps he has been the influence on my son’s change of wardrobe. Yes he still wears joggers but more so now for the gym.

But what drives our sense of style? What drives our need for success? What forces us to be someone who follows the crowd?

When I look at most of the young girls today they all look pretty similar to me. Long straight hair and similar attire. I suppose I was no different in my teens – though very different in my early twenties.

Man is driven by the need to ‘fit in’. To be like everyone else in order to survive. We generally like people who are like ourselves and tend to accept these people readily into our inner circle.

Our need to feel loved and accepted is high. When we feel rejected we feel bad and looking different brings with it a higher level of rejection, as does having different view points, being passionate about something, or speaking out.

So many just plod along, being like everyone else. Striving for recognition from friends and colleagues or even the man in the street. Buying the latest trend, the best car, loving what everyone else loves in the desperate need to feel ‘the same’ to feel included and accepted.

Thousands of years ago to be in a community meant safety and survival. You were more likely to survive if there were many of you watching out for wild animals and hunting for food and this need to be part of a community has stayed with us, not through a real need to survive, but an imagined need to fit in and be accepted in order to ‘survive’.

In order for us to survive today, we have to be accepted, successful, admired by others, and indeed, be the same as the others. Yet do we? A child in order to survive needs a mother and in order to thrive needs a mother’s love. However there is no greater love than self love and if you love and accept yourself, you are less needy of external verification. You know you matter and you don’t need others to verify this.

Rejection is hard and each and everyone of us will know this, however rejection of the self is more destructive. When we live up to others standards and follow their lead, we may seem to fit in, but do we really feel happy?

Rejection of the self is damaging on an emotional, mental and physical level. It can destroy our confidence and self worth. When we begin to accept ourselves for the individuals we are we become happier, more successful (and I am not relating to work success or financial success only here but emotional, relationship etc too), more at peace with ourselves.

So next time someone tells you to watch what you say when you express an opinion, be glad that you had the guts to express it and not bad that it wasn’t the same as theirs. When anyone laughs at your new hair cut – love it more! If someone judges you by the clothes you wear then be glad that you have the money to buy clothes!

But most of all, understand those that judge you for being different, for they truly haven’t found the strength to be themselves. They haven’t the voice to shout out ‘this is me’. They haven’t learnt the power of self love and acceptance.

Be unique. Be true to yourself, Be you.