My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of Secondary School and to say that he was hard work, was putting it lightly! However, being a therapist, and observing students I work with who present with ADHD, I strongly believe it is linked to anxiety and if you check out the symptoms of anxiety you can see a strong correlation.
Anyway – back to ADHD. My son was OK with his ‘hyper’ as he would call it though, through the day but struggled to get to sleep. Being aware that I meditate, he took it upon himself – after doing some meditation with me – to listen to meditation audios on YouTube. He found they not only helped him calm down and sleep better, they also made him feel better too.
He further added regular exercise to his regime and the change in him was amazing, Calmer, more focused, less angry and more able to reflect on his behaviour. WOW!
So if you struggle with your child’s ADHD and related behaviour’s – why not get them into a regular meditation practice? Not only does meditation help calm the mind, boost confidence and help children focus – it also helps to release tension and negative thinking too. A real win-win situation!
The old ‘how can I get my kid to sit still for any length of time?’ is a question I get a lot. Don’t expect them to! Get them to listen to a short meditation to begin with – ask them to sit and listen and if they fidget – that’s fine. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took me a couple of months to get into a regular practice and it will take your child a while too – so drop those expectations and just keep going.
There is a lot of research into Vetiver essential oil and ADHD and it has proved to work wonderfully with reducing symptoms – so give this a whirl too. Ensure your child exercises daily as this releases pent up stress and emotions and gives your child a way to release tensions that can exacerbate symptoms of ADHD,
Also a healthier diet helps. There is a link between what you eat and your health and there are various diets out there to help with ADHD – mainly fresh produce and less processed food.
You have the power to make a difference to your child’s ADHD – so give mediation a go. Change their diet – gradually – to lessen resistance. Get out more with your child and try Vetiver oil too. All these tools can make a huge difference. Believe me I know!
Try out the video below – if you want a longer mediation – there are others on my YouTube channel.
You can do it. You can make a difference to your child’s ADHD without medication. So give it a go and let me know how you get on!
The Butterfly Hug is an incredible and powerful way to let go of intense negative feelings. The method itself is simple and easy to do yourself depending on the severity of your condition or memory that you wish to work on.
Watch this video now and try out this effective tool yourself.
Weight loss is a lifelong commitment which requires appropriate lifestyle changes in order to not only lose weight but maintain weight loss too. And whilst that may sound daunting – changing habits can be tricky to say the least – it is not impossible.
If you have the right technique to help you let go of outdated habits which are keeping you from losing weight (perhaps binging late in the evening, eating biscuits with you tea etc) then you may find you are on the way to weight loss success more quickly than you imagined and who knows – the view may be stunning too!
Below is a simple NLP technique that can help you replace your old habitual patterns with new healhier ones in a matter of minutes. Yes you read that right – you can reprogram your mind in a matter of minutes with this amazing NLP tool. So give it a go and get on your way to a healthier lifestyle and a slimmer you. So give it a go right now and transform your life and your figure. Remember this Swish process can be used for any habit.
The Swish Technique
1. Firstly, identify the unhealthy habitual behavior that you would like to change. For example, if may be that you don’t exercise enough, that you always clear your plate or you eat too fast. Chose a specific habit or behavior that you want to get rid of.
2. Identify the trigger behind your habit or behavior. Your habit or automatic behavior is more often than not, triggered by a specific stimulus i.e. you don’t consciously chose to behave in this particular way, your mind responds automatically to an external trigger. Once you identify the trigger that causes the unwanted behavior, you can then to on to change it.
So for example, the memory of your mum’s voice from childhood telling you to finish all your dinner could be the trigger behind you cleaning your plate every meal time. Watching TV could be your trigger for snacking in the evening. If you struggle getting to the gym, what is the exact moment when you decide not to go? Is it an image of you being out of breath on the exercise bike that makes you say ‘sod it’ or is it the thought of relaxing in front of the TV instead?
Whatever the reason, there will be a specific trigger that generates an automatic response. If you find it difficult to identify the specific trigger for your behaviour, then imagine trying to teach someone how you decide not to go to the gym, or how to decide to eat up all the food on your plate. What is that they will have to see, hear or feel that will make them also want to avoid going to the gym or want to clear plate? What is it exactly that convinces you to do what you do?
Now before we go onto the next step, get up and walk about or count backwards from 10 to 0. This helps to break state (change your focus from what you don’t want in order to focus on what you do want instead).
3. Choose Your New Behaviour
Now you get to choose what you would prefer to do instead of the old behaviour. What new habit or behaviour do you want instead? What image in your mind will inspire you to go to the gym or stop you eating all the food on your plate? The image you choose has to be as compelling as you can possibly make it – it has to motivate you to choose this new behaviour over the old one.
It is very important that you chose an image that will motivate you and make you feel positive. So for example, you could have an image of you immediately after a gym session, buzzing with those feel good endorphins and feeling fantastic. You could see a slimmer you at the table leaving food on the plate and feeling proud of what you have accomplished. So get a clear picture of the response you would like instead right now. Close your eyes and see it.
Ensure when you chose the image for the new behaviour you need to be able to see yourself in the image.Once you have got your picture in your mind – then make it even more compelling, even more motivating. Make the picture bigger and brighter – add some sounds – perhaps compliments from other people – really get into the picture and see every wonderful detail.
Now add some feelings – imagine how fantastic you would feel if this was happening now – really turn up those feel good feelings so that you feel absolutely amazing. Now double those feelings – triple them and really enjoy this image, the sounds and these feelings. Brilliant.
When you are happy with this image and the feelings it produces then break state. Get up and walk around for 10 seconds; have a good stretch or sing ‘Happy Birthday’ – anything that changes your focus.
4: Lets Swish
Now is the time to get rid of the ‘old’ and bring in the ‘new’. You will replace the old trigger picture in step 2 into a new compelling image you created in step 3. To begin with you need to get the old trigger picture in your mind – make it as big and as bright as you can so that you can see every little detail. When you see the image it should be as though you are looking at it through your own eyes i.e. you are associated into the picture (you are not in the picture).
Now you have the old image in your mind, I want you to bring in a small postage stamped sized image of the new compelling image. Place this smaller image in the bottom left hand corner of the old picture. Keep the image small, darker and ensure that you see yourself in the image so that you are disassociated.
Now you are ready to Swish. All you do now is simply say the word ‘swish’ in your mind or out loud and as you do instantly increase the size of the new picture so that it totally covers the old one – so that it wipes it out completely and all you see is the new compelling image. As you increase the size of this new image make it brighter and add those feelings and sounds to it. Ensure that this new image totally obliterates the old one so that there is nothing remaining what so ever.
When the new image is big and bright really get into the details, the sounds and the feelings – luxuriate in how great you feel. Relax and enjoy this image and the feelings it creates for a few moments. Take your time and enjoy these feelings as the stronger the positive feelings the quicker the results. Now, break state.
5. Make The Change Permanent
Now you have completed this process once and it felt good right? Well now it’s time to make sure this change lasts – that it takes root in the inner most part of your mind and becomes as automatic as your old behaviour. So simply repeat step 4 at least 7 – 10 times ensuring that you break state in between each swish (get up and wiggle!).
This step is usually quicker than what you expect- this process usually takes me around 20 minutes to do with a client and that’s including the explanation! so stick to your guns and get going – the results are phenomenal. I have helped clients improve eating habits, get more exercise and improve their self image with this simple tool which means that you too can bring about lasting change.
So bring back the old trigger picture, put the new image in the bottom left hand corner of it and ‘swish’ – obliterate the old image and make the new image bigger, brighter and full of life. Remember to luxuriate in the wonderful feelings, sounds and details of the new image for a few moments to really make a powerful switch. Break state and start again!
6. Future Pace
Once you have run through step 4 several times you may have noticed that the old image starts to fade or that it completely disappears. That’s great! It means that you have been successful. If you still can see the old image that’s okay too as you will notice that it no longer has the power over you that it used to have.
If the old trigger still has strong feelings attached to it – run through step 4 a few more times. If there is no change that it may mean that you have the wrong trigger. Just start again and ask yourself ‘at what point do I decide to do the old behaviour? What do i see, hear or feel that makes me want to do X?’
Now think about your old behaviour and notice what you notice about how you feel about it now and you may be surprised to find that you feel completely different. Well done! You have succeeded in changing your habit!
So give this powerful tool a go when you have 20 minutes to spare – and don’t say you haven’t got the time – because you can always make the time.
I am sure I am not alone when I say that some days, when everything seems to go wrong, I wished I had have stayed in bed.
I had one of those days this week which kicked off with my son having a melt down over getting a later bus, closely followed by his brother refusing to get out of bed. A while later a client cancelled at the last minute and the offer I had just received on my house wasn’t quite as much as I had hoped it would be. I lost my car keys (well couldn’t remember where I put them is more precise) and so ended up arriving late for work and the day had barely started!
I felt exhausted and I still had the day ahead of me. I was feeling disappointed with my boys for spoiling my morning, angry with myself for misplacing my keys and frustrated that the offer on my house meant I would have to rethink my buying options once again. As I sat and prepared for my first client of the day, I could feel my anger and frustration brewing and I hadn’t even had time for a cup of tea that morning, no thanks to the kids!
As I went over the events of the morning I became more and more upset until I had literally had enough of listening to my own whining voice in my head! Enough is enough! Did I want to continue to feel upset and get even angrier because my son refused to get out of bed or that my client cancelled last minute or did I want to feel better?
I wanted to feel better. So what if my son had a melt down about the bus, that had nothing to do with me so why was I taking it personally? And I’m not surprised the youngest wanted to stay in bed that morning as it was a Monday and we’d had a hectic weekend. Once I realized that life is not always about me – I was able to release all that frustration. And besides, no-one had upset me – I had upset myself by taking on board everyone else’s issues.
Sometimes we can get lost in our doom and gloom and it could be easy for us to remain bitter about things that happen in our life – things that for the most part – aren’t actually important. However it could be just as easy for us to move on and leave the past where it belongs and take a different slant on life. The choice is ours.
You are the only person who can allow yourself to get upset and by focusing on the ‘wrong doings’ that others have seemingly done to you, you are handing them your power. People can be rude – that’s their issue. People can be thoughtless – that’s their issue. People can loose it over tiny things – again that’s their issue so why make it yours?
If you want to feel positive, happier or more fulfilled then focus on what is going right in your life, focus on what you want out of life and allow others the space to do, say and be who they want to be. You can not control other people however you can control how you respond to them.
My son had a meltdown because he feels anxious about any changes to his daily routine. My other son was tired. My client either changed their mind about therapy or was really sick. These things I can not change but I can change how I deal with them. I can reassure my son that he will be fine on the later bus, I can gently coax my youngest out of bed and I can empathize with my sick client and hope that another (higher!) offer comes in for my house.
Life is what you make it and if you make it miserable inside your head then it will be miserable outside in the real world too. So STOP those negative thoughts and focus on something positive instead and notice how you begin to feel happier, brighter and more positive.
Stop and smell the roses because they don’t stay in bloom all year long.
……and count to 10.
Great advice if you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated or if you feel that you are going to say something you might just regret in the heat of the moment.
Focusing your mind of something other than the ‘thing’ that you don’t want to focus on (anxiety, depression, anger) etc is a great way to break the cycle of these habitual patterns.
If you suffer from anxiety – as soon as you feel the symptoms coming on – change your point of focus – immediately. Squeeze together your thumb and finger and focus on everything that you can see – in minute detail – or on what you can hear (however if all you can hear is the thumping of your own heart – then maybe this isn’t the best point of focus!). Loose yourself in another sense and not what you are experiencing in your body or your mind.
Yes it will be difficult to begin with – your mind and body are used to being hijacked by your anxiety – but PERSEVERE. Soon your mind will associate your squeezing your thumb and finger together with changing your point of focus.
Why change your point of focus? Simple. If you are listening intently to every sound that you can hear – it’s impossible to focus on those horrible feelings you feel in your body! Its a simple way to not only feel better, but to improve your senses and also to take back control of your anxiety.
It you don’t try it – you will never know! Go on give it a go – it’s amazing what a simple thing such as changing focus can do!
If you ‘forget’ to focus on those feelings then how can you feel anxious? You cant! So as soon as you feel those feelings arising – focus, focus, focus! Persevere too – it is worth it!
All of us (though some are exempt from this) have been or still are hostage to our emotions, with many people not even being aware of how they feel from one moment to the other.
However being aware of how you are feeling and the thoughts you have – can help you gain some control over wayward emotions such as anger, angst, sadness or anxiety. Basically the more ‘self aware’ you become the more able you are to control your emotions.
Being self aware simply means being aware of our thoughts and feelings which in turn gives us the opportunity to be ‘aware’ of them without becoming emotionally attached to them and when we become the ‘observer’ of our emotions we can choose whether we wish to change how we feel or wallow in our emotions.
For example, how many of us have been cut up on the road at some point by what would appear to be a ‘thoughtless’ driver? Most of us no doubt! But self awareness allows us to see that our angry response to this incident is ours – maybe our outburst (expletives!) are called for but maybe they weren’t – maybe the guy just didn’t see you?
So yes we got angry – but being aware that you are angry in the first place is great but being aware that our response to this incident is also our choice – means we gain control over how we feel – or for how long we feel these emotions, because lets face it – feeling bad sucks!
Self awareness allows us to remain calm in stressful situations, helps us to chose a more beneficial or positive state of mind and as a result we feel more balanced and positive. We become the ‘observer’ of our emotions – ‘I am feeling angry/sad/overwhelmed etc – which enables us to distance ourselves from those negative emotions and then gives us leverage to change them into a more positive one, if we want to! So if we find ourselves in a bad mood we can get ourselves out of it more quickly than other people who are less aware of their emotions.
On the flip side there are people who loose themselves in their emotions – drowning in their emotions or wallowing in their sorrows or worries. These people are immersed in their emotions and are unable to ‘see’ them clearly and as a result become overwhelmed by the emotions they experience. They have little perspective on the emotions they feel as and a result have little control over their emotional life and live at the mercy of their own emotions feeling they can do nothing to improve their situation.
And then we have those people who are aware of how they feel but do nothing to change them. Some people believe that they should experience all emotions as they arise as this is natural – but then there is a fine line here between wallowing in these emotions or really ‘feeling’ them and moving on.
And of course there are those who know they feel depressed, or sad, or angry but chose to stay with these emotions and they are ‘who I am’.
Your emotions are not who you are – they ‘tell’ us how we should feel based on past, present and future experiences however they are not always appropriate or the best option. You always have a choice – to feel bad or feel good. Simple.
Yes it’s necessary to feel bad sometimes – they make the good times good – and it’s better ‘out than in’ we are told (and I’m not talking about wind here!) – if we feel upset, angry, worried – deal with the cause of these feelings and move on – it’s a far healthier option than denying our emotions or believing you are a slave to them – you are not!
We all have times when we feel low – and that’s okay – but if these feelings drag on then perhaps you need to ask yourself if these emotions are serving you at this moment in time. Do they make you feel good – probably not – so do something about it.
Make a commitment to yourself to be more self aware – and once you start to notice your emotions – you can then go on to question whether they are appropriate (not all emotions we feel are – they can be a learned response) and if not – change them and move on.
You have a choice in life – to live a more fulfilling and happier life – or to chose to be a victim to your emotions. We all feel them – good or bad – but it’s how we ‘experience’ them and ‘deal’ with them that determines our lives. So chose well!