Energy Transfer

I was working with a student the other day, looking at physics and the topic of energy transfer. We discussed how energy can neither be created nor destroyed and the concept of useful energy versus wasted energy.

On my drive home, I mulled over the lesson and thought about the context of energy use being either useful or wasteful in our daily lives and was immediately inspired to become mindful of my daily energy usage.

We all have a certain amount of energy to ‘spend’ each day on eating, walking, laughing, worrying, smiling, frowning. loving, hating etc and most of us are not in the least aware of how we spend our energy each day.

If you’re feeling drained at the end of each day, then ask yourself how much energy do you give yourself each day? How much energy do you give out lovingly to others? How much energy do you give through self love and appreciation? How much energy do you save from stopping the worrying and doing something constructive instead? How much energy do you conserve from letting the little things go and taking 10 minutes to be still?

When you spend your energy constantly cursing other drivers on the road (on on my favourite energy wasting activities), worrying over every detail of your life, running around after and/or seeking validation from others, then you are wasting your precious energy on unskillful practices.

When you begin to see there are two ways to spend your energy – one that can drain you and leave you feeling tired and dissatisfied, or another than can leave you feeling full of life, happy and feeling in love with life, you CAN begin to make wise and skillful choices.

Mindfulness is a skill which can help transform you life (as can regular meditation) and being aware of how you CHOOSE to spend your energy is a powerful exercise in self awareness.

Spending your energy wisely, skillfully and on positive things that will enhance your standard of physical, mental and emotional welfare will benefit you greatly and will give you inner space to enjoy life more.

Make a conscious decision today to look at your energy expenditure and to  spend it wisely. What is the use of getting angry and upset about someone who’s being a prat for the day/hour/minute? It’s so much easier to see that you yourself have been that prat – so move on, love more and spend your energy wisely!

Not only will you feel better you may notice a difference in your depression, anxiety or self esteem too.

Live a better life. Life your best life.

Namaste!

 

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How’s The Fit?

Just in from a lovely walk with the dogs where I got to thinking about ‘fitting in’.

I met a friend whilst out who has  lost a lot of weight (you should never say you want to lose weight or you will look to find it subconsciously at some point later) and how she loved buying clothes now. That got me thinking about how my eldest son has changed his outward appearance over the last few years – thankfully!

Gone is his daily tracksuit attire and in are jeans and jumpers. It may be an age thing – but then I see men of all ages wearing tracksuits and they are almost certainly not going to the gym. Saying that – they are entitled to wear what they want to wear.

When I thought about his change I have to look at his closest friend – who is Spanish and always dresses well. Perhaps he has been the influence on my son’s change of wardrobe. Yes he still wears joggers but more so now for the gym.

But what drives our sense of style? What drives our need for success? What forces us to be someone who follows the crowd?

When I look at most of the young girls today they all look pretty similar to me. Long straight hair and similar attire. I suppose I was no different in my teens – though very different in my early twenties.

Man is driven by the need to ‘fit in’. To be like everyone else in order to survive. We generally like people who are like ourselves and tend to accept these people readily into our inner circle.

Our need to feel loved and accepted is high. When we feel rejected we feel bad and looking different brings with it a higher level of rejection, as does having different view points, being passionate about something, or speaking out.

So many just plod along, being like everyone else. Striving for recognition from friends and colleagues or even the man in the street. Buying the latest trend, the best car, loving what everyone else loves in the desperate need to feel ‘the same’ to feel included and accepted.

Thousands of years ago to be in a community meant safety and survival. You were more likely to survive if there were many of you watching out for wild animals and hunting for food and this need to be part of a community has stayed with us, not through a real need to survive, but an imagined need to fit in and be accepted in order to ‘survive’.

In order for us to survive today, we have to be accepted, successful, admired by others, and indeed, be the same as the others. Yet do we? A child in order to survive needs a mother and in order to thrive needs a mother’s love. However there is no greater love than self love and if you love and accept yourself, you are less needy of external verification. You know you matter and you don’t need others to verify this.

Rejection is hard and each and everyone of us will know this, however rejection of the self is more destructive. When we live up to others standards and follow their lead, we may seem to fit in, but do we really feel happy?

Rejection of the self is damaging on an emotional, mental and physical level. It can destroy our confidence and self worth. When we begin to accept ourselves for the individuals we are we become happier, more successful (and I am not relating to work success or financial success only here but emotional, relationship etc too), more at peace with ourselves.

So next time someone tells you to watch what you say when you express an opinion, be glad that you had the guts to express it and not bad that it wasn’t the same as theirs. When anyone laughs at your new hair cut – love it more! If someone judges you by the clothes you wear then be glad that you have the money to buy clothes!

But most of all, understand those that judge you for being different, for they truly haven’t found the strength to be themselves. They haven’t the voice to shout out ‘this is me’. They haven’t learnt the power of self love and acceptance.

Be unique. Be true to yourself, Be you.

 

Unlearn Those Limiting Beliefs

Now most people at some point in their lives feel a little anxious about something, whether it be about how they perform, how the look or what they believe to be acceptable and most anxieties are linked to what we believe about ourselves or the world.

If you dread giving presentations or speaking up in meetings it is most likely that you feel you are going to be judged unfairly. So why do many people have a fear of being judged? Why do many people avoid those social situations which many people thrive in?

Well it all comes down to your beliefs and more likely, the beliefs you hold about yourself. If you believe that you are not good enough or that you will always fail, then it’s no surprise that you feel ‘not good enough’ and act accordingly. However if you believe you are good enough, you feel differently about yourself and you behave in a very different way.

Now beliefs are formed in many different ways, usually from past experiences, but the important thing to note here is, just as beliefs get ‘learnt’ at some point in your life, they can be unlearnt too!

A belief is something we believe to be true at our deepest level and unfortunately most humans feel they are intrinsically bad or not good enough. But s this true?

Are you really bad or not good enough or is it simply that you fail to live up to others’ expectations?

I would hazard a guess that you are good enough and that you are a good person. You may occasionally say or do ‘bad’ things but does that make you a bad person? You may be awful at singing and scared rigid of presenting in front of people, but are you really not good enough?

Telling yourself you are good enough or a good person each and every day is unlikely to change your limiting belief of yourself, however bringing doubt into the equation will. Did you believe 100% in Father Christmas? Did you believe 100% that you first love was the ‘one’

When you start to hear different stories about the existence of Father Christmas or see things differently once the ‘honeymoon’ period of the romance is over, you change the way you see things and ultimately your belief system.

It is said that every breakthrough in personal development comes from a change in belief. So how can you change a limiting belief?

By simply following the seven steps below – which are widely used by therapists and individuals alike with a high percentage of success. This works so well as it allows you to begin to doubt those limiting beliefs that have held you hostage for so long. Once you doubt a belief, you can begin to unpick it and then replace it with a new empowering one instead. And it’s important to replace any limiting belief with a new positive one as the old one could creep back into your life and we certainly don’t want that do we?

Belief Change Process

Ask yourself these questions in relation to the limiting belief. It’s more powerful if you write the answers down too – it makes for a quicker belief change process.

  1. Is this belief or statement completely true? 100% true?
  2. Can you be 100% sure that it is true? All of the time? (really???)
  3. What does you keeping hold of this belief do to you? Does it help in any way?
  4. Who will you become in ten years if you continue to hold on to this belief?
  5. What will the costs be to you (and others) if you do not change this belief now?
  6. Who would you become and how differently would you think, act and feel if you let go of this old belief?
  7. Create a new belief to replace the old one. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Daily, hourly or whenever you doubt yourself. State your new belief with feelings. Attach positive emotions to it to make it more compelling than the old belief.

Also, for step 7 make sure you use a belief that you can believe in. If ‘I am amazing’ feels too out there then simply state ‘I am good enough (though your probably are amazing!).

And make sure you have a positive belief statement i.e. I am good enough or I am enough NOT I am not a bad person.

Take time to work through this process and really think about your answers.  If you need to work through this daily until you notice a shift, then do so.  Repeat your new belief when ever you can. Write it down on a card or on your mirror to remind you daily how amazing you are!

Good luck.

Namaste!

 

Is It Me…?

I’m not perfect. Never said I was.

I make mistakes. I’m human.

I have a different opinion from you. That’s okay.

I have a different outlook on life. I have different life experiences from you.

I have a different political view from you. I have a different view of the world.

I am different from you. And that’s ‘bad’?

Is it?

I differ in how I see life. Does that make me a ‘bad’ person?

I walk a different path from you. Does that make me a ‘bad’ person?

I make mistakes. Does that make me ‘bad’?

I do things differently from you. Does that make me ‘bad’?

I question your opinions, your views. Does that make me ‘bad’?

No.

Your opinion of me makes me ‘bad’. 

Your inability to accept others’ differences makes me ‘bad’.

Your need to conform makes me ‘bad’.

Your insecurities make me ‘bad’.

Your ‘perfection’ makes my ‘imperfection’ bad.

Yet last time I checked. You were human too. You make mistakes too. You have a different outlook on life too. You have different life experiences too. You are imperfect too.

We are all imperfectly perfect.

I am NOT bad because I have a different view of the world we live in.

I am NOT bad because I ask you to accept responsibility for your actions.

I am NOT bad because I am not willing to accept your view on religion, race, colour, creed, politics, status, success, love, colour schemes, diet, exercise, weight, books….

I am merely me. You are you. I am different. You are different. I am intrinsically good. So are you.

When you judge others based on your ‘ideals’ (and they are just that – your ideals) realise that people may be judging you based on your ideals too.

Judge less.

Tolerate more.

Hate less.

Love more.

Blame less.

Forgive more.

Criticise less.

Thank more.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You!

Namaste.

 

 

 

Self Love as a Healing Modality

If you feel like you’re constantly being rejected by others or feeling unworthy and unloved, it’s a pretty bleak place to be isn’t it? But what if you could change this place for a more loving and abundant place instead? Would you be willing to move?

The great thing is is that with some simple self love you can become a very different person living a more fulfilling life and you don’t need to rely on anyone else to start your journey!

Feeling unloved or rejected has it’s roots in childhood usually with some form of  ‘obvious’ rejection such as a parent walking out on you when you were a child or being bullied, or it could be a perceived rejection such as a parent ignoring you when you want their attention or a friend ignoring you one day at school.

It’s easier to see how we can feel unloved and abandoned when a parent walks out on us but it’s harder to understand how we can begin to feel unloved when a parent simply ignores our demands for attention. However as a child out whole world evolves around us quite literally and if someone ignores us, treats us badly, we begin to doubt our self worth and we create a misunderstanding that we are somehow unlovable or wrong as a result.

Once we form that seed of doubt, of feeling unlovable, we then begin to change how we view our world. Instead of seeing love in everything we do and experience, we begin to see rejection and over a relatively short period of time we can form the belief that we are unworthy or unlovable.

From then on in, an ignored text, or a harsh word from another person backs up that belief that we are unlovable or unworthy of being treated nicely. And isn’t it a shame that you waste your life feeling unloved or unimportant based on a misunderstanding from your childhood or someone else’s inability to love you?

The great thing is you can change how you feel about yourself and how you see ‘rejection’. How? By practising self love. By being aware that there is a part of you that craves love, that seeks love in most things you do and somehow always feels disappointed when that love never shows up.

So stop looking to the outside world for that love and start looking within yourself. Stop looking for people to verify your self worth and verify it yourself. Stop looking to relationships to make you feel ‘whole’ and make yourself feel ‘whole’.

Self love is the most important love of all. Without self love you will continue to feel unloved,  no matter how much love is in your life. And Self love allows you to feel loved, validated, important and worthy. And it’s an incredibly easy journey to take.

Initially it may well feel embarrassing or awkward telling yourself how amazing you are and how much you love yourself, but with perseverance, it will begin to feel more natural and eventually it will begin to feel incredible!

I was introduced to self love or ‘meta’ through a Buddhist Meditation Practice and I love it! It is an incredibly empowering way to start the day. No longer waiting for external verification to feel good,  you can go right on ahead and love yourself. Simple.

So give yourself an extra ten minutes in bed every morning or find a sacred place where you can practice ‘meta’ or self love. Of if you have some issues you need to work on, set aside some time to work through them.

Start by taking a three deep breaths in and slowly breathing out through your mouth. Focus on letting go and relaxing on every out breath. Then simply focus on your breathing and place your hands over your heart centre (in the middle of your chest). To begin with – if you feel it difficult to feel loving towards yourself – think of a loving, happy memory and focus on the feelings they create within you and the thoughts that come up.

Once you feel loving – simply focus on an image of you in your mind – as you are now or a younger you that might need this love – whilst telling yourself ‘I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you for being so amazing’. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

As you repeat this mantra, feelings will surface – usually sadness or fear or anger and that’s okay. Breathe through these feelings and continue with the mantra. Remember if you feel unloved or unworthy these feelings will surface.

Memories may surface which may need your attention and again, focus on you in the memory and send the younger you so much love, support, gratitude, forgiveness or whatever it is that you think they need. Or simply keep repeating the mantra until you feel a shift in your energy, when you feel more peaceful.

You may well experience a lot of negative emotions initially when practising this and that’s okay as it releases pain from the past. If you need support – make sure you have a friend to help you through. It may well prove tough – but believe you me – it is worth it.

There will be times when you practise this and feel great. Revel in the positive feelings of love and gratitude, really feel how awesome it feels to feel loved and appreciated. Tell yourself how amazing you are, focus on things you have done well. You can send this love to others if you desire too – to family or friends who need it.

Self love is a healing tool in that it soothes and releases past hurts and as we release these and fill our hearts and bodies with love, kindness and forgiveness, we begin to feel a shift.

You can use this exercise to heal the past which inevitably will help you feel better, or as an exercise to boost your mood, to feel more loved and help you feel more positive about yourself. I would recommend that you go with whatever comes up. If it’s healing the past make sure you spend time at the end, focusing on love and gratitude to ensure you feel upbeat and positive when you finish.

After a couple of weeks or months you will begin to notice how differently you feel about yourself and indeed others. You may notice you begin to be kinder to yourself, more loving and supportive and you may notice as a result you are more loving and kinder to others too.

You may feel differently about events in your life and begin to see them in a different light. The more forgiving you are of yourself and others the more inner calm you will feel.

Love starts with you. The more you love yourself the more you see that rejection isn’t all about you. And if someone does reject you, you know what, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable, it just means you weren’t right for each other. Self love enables you to become a better mother, lover, sister, aunt, friend and person. It allows you to find pure joy in the simplest of experiences. You will feel much more grateful for what you have and that in itself, will increase your feelings of self worth.

So make a commitment today to practise self love every morning. I guarantee it will change your life!

Namaste.

I’m Sorry …

We come across many people in our everyday lives. Some enhance our lives whilst others detract from our daily satisfactions and others seem hell bent on making you pay for whatever shit they are dealing with in their lives or from their past!

I believe that we can learn a lot from the people that show up in our lives, especially when certain types of people show up regularly! There’s a learning there for the taking.

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Certain behaviours we find annoying in others may be a reflection of a behaviour we deny in ourselves which we may need to address such as anger, weakness, thoughtless etc

We can all have elements of these behaviours, but for some people these behaviours may be creating problems in their lives. Non of us are infallible. If you think you are, you may need to address this! 😂

Behaviours that upset us could also be a warning that we need to look at our belief system and address a limiting belief about ourselves or our world, or it could be showing us that we need to be more true to ourselves and not others.

You may come across rude or controlling people that ‘ push your button’ and it may well be that you need to address how you let others treat you. It may be a lesson in learning to stand up for yourself or to believe in yourself more.

Or it may mean you need to look at relationships where you too are controlling in some way.

There are always lessons to learn from behaviours that you find distasteful in others!

For example, I have recently met a woman who is highly controlling and I consider her behaviour rude. She, it appears, is entitled to be flexible, whilst she expects me to ask ‘how high’ when she tells (not asks) me to jump!

To say I find her manner frustrating is an understatement however I have asked myself why she should show up in my life. What is her controlling behaviour, her rudeness and her superiority flagging up within me?

The first learning. Stick up for yourself more. Now depending on who you ask, you may well get two sides to this!

Whilst I don’t take kindly to being messed around there are situations where I tolerate bad behaviour for the appearance of ‘professionalism’. However I can still be professional and say no thank you!

Tolerating disrespectful behaviour that is a ‘one off’ is fine, but when it forms the basis of a relationship, it needs to be dealt with accordingly. I am worthy of respect. Learning number two.

Also – is her overly controlling behaviour highlighting an element of controlling behaviour in me? I can certainly see situations where I can be controlling – I’m no where near as bad as I used to be but could I still loosen my parental reins? Probably. Lesson number three.

But it’s also interesting to see just how much I have already let go of the need to control my kids’ lives and this woman’s controlling behaviour has highlighted just how much I have changed and has helped me recognise this positive change. So all good so far! Lesson number four.

And honestly? This behaviour is this woman’s responsibility. It’s her ‘story’. She needs to own it. She needs to address it. Not me. Lesson number five.

But the main lesson? It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to say I’m sorry but I deserve better than this. It’s okay to walk away without any explanation. Lesson number six.

Wow! How amazing. Someone’s shitty behaviour has helped me see so much within me. Imagine if we all reflected on this how much more self awareness we’d have. How much better we would feel?

So if you continue to ‘invite’ people into your life with a behaviour trait that grates with you, ask yourself these two questions.

What behaviour in me do I dislike and need to address?

What limiting belief is this highlighting within me that I need to let go of?

We do not need to be held hostage by other people’s shitty behaviour and by working out why it pisses us off so much, we will find ourselves less and less bothered by obnoxious people. Now how awesome would that be?

Because, from where I am standing, well sitting, we are ALL worthy of respect. So expect nothing less.

You are amazing.

You are enough.

You deserve better.