Self Love as a Healing Modality

If you feel like you’re constantly being rejected by others or feeling unworthy and unloved, it’s a pretty bleak place to be isn’t it? But what if you could change this place for a more loving and abundant place instead? Would you be willing to move?

The great thing is is that with some simple self love you can become a very different person living a more fulfilling life and you don’t need to rely on anyone else to start your journey!

Feeling unloved or rejected has it’s roots in childhood usually with some form of  ‘obvious’ rejection such as a parent walking out on you when you were a child or being bullied, or it could be a perceived rejection such as a parent ignoring you when you want their attention or a friend ignoring you one day at school.

It’s easier to see how we can feel unloved and abandoned when a parent walks out on us but it’s harder to understand how we can begin to feel unloved when a parent simply ignores our demands for attention. However as a child out whole world evolves around us quite literally and if someone ignores us, treats us badly, we begin to doubt our self worth and we create a misunderstanding that we are somehow unlovable or wrong as a result.

Once we form that seed of doubt, of feeling unlovable, we then begin to change how we view our world. Instead of seeing love in everything we do and experience, we begin to see rejection and over a relatively short period of time we can form the belief that we are unworthy or unlovable.

From then on in, an ignored text, or a harsh word from another person backs up that belief that we are unlovable or unworthy of being treated nicely. And isn’t it a shame that you waste your life feeling unloved or unimportant based on a misunderstanding from your childhood or someone else’s inability to love you?

The great thing is you can change how you feel about yourself and how you see ‘rejection’. How? By practising self love. By being aware that there is a part of you that craves love, that seeks love in most things you do and somehow always feels disappointed when that love never shows up.

So stop looking to the outside world for that love and start looking within yourself. Stop looking for people to verify your self worth and verify it yourself. Stop looking to relationships to make you feel ‘whole’ and make yourself feel ‘whole’.

Self love is the most important love of all. Without self love you will continue to feel unloved,  no matter how much love is in your life. And Self love allows you to feel loved, validated, important and worthy. And it’s an incredibly easy journey to take.

Initially it may well feel embarrassing or awkward telling yourself how amazing you are and how much you love yourself, but with perseverance, it will begin to feel more natural and eventually it will begin to feel incredible!

I was introduced to self love or ‘meta’ through a Buddhist Meditation Practice and I love it! It is an incredibly empowering way to start the day. No longer waiting for external verification to feel good,  you can go right on ahead and love yourself. Simple.

So give yourself an extra ten minutes in bed every morning or find a sacred place where you can practice ‘meta’ or self love. Of if you have some issues you need to work on, set aside some time to work through them.

Start by taking a three deep breaths in and slowly breathing out through your mouth. Focus on letting go and relaxing on every out breath. Then simply focus on your breathing and place your hands over your heart centre (in the middle of your chest). To begin with – if you feel it difficult to feel loving towards yourself – think of a loving, happy memory and focus on the feelings they create within you and the thoughts that come up.

Once you feel loving – simply focus on an image of you in your mind – as you are now or a younger you that might need this love – whilst telling yourself ‘I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you for being so amazing’. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

As you repeat this mantra, feelings will surface – usually sadness or fear or anger and that’s okay. Breathe through these feelings and continue with the mantra. Remember if you feel unloved or unworthy these feelings will surface.

Memories may surface which may need your attention and again, focus on you in the memory and send the younger you so much love, support, gratitude, forgiveness or whatever it is that you think they need. Or simply keep repeating the mantra until you feel a shift in your energy, when you feel more peaceful.

You may well experience a lot of negative emotions initially when practising this and that’s okay as it releases pain from the past. If you need support – make sure you have a friend to help you through. It may well prove tough – but believe you me – it is worth it.

There will be times when you practise this and feel great. Revel in the positive feelings of love and gratitude, really feel how awesome it feels to feel loved and appreciated. Tell yourself how amazing you are, focus on things you have done well. You can send this love to others if you desire too – to family or friends who need it.

Self love is a healing tool in that it soothes and releases past hurts and as we release these and fill our hearts and bodies with love, kindness and forgiveness, we begin to feel a shift.

You can use this exercise to heal the past which inevitably will help you feel better, or as an exercise to boost your mood, to feel more loved and help you feel more positive about yourself. I would recommend that you go with whatever comes up. If it’s healing the past make sure you spend time at the end, focusing on love and gratitude to ensure you feel upbeat and positive when you finish.

After a couple of weeks or months you will begin to notice how differently you feel about yourself and indeed others. You may notice you begin to be kinder to yourself, more loving and supportive and you may notice as a result you are more loving and kinder to others too.

You may feel differently about events in your life and begin to see them in a different light. The more forgiving you are of yourself and others the more inner calm you will feel.

Love starts with you. The more you love yourself the more you see that rejection isn’t all about you. And if someone does reject you, you know what, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable, it just means you weren’t right for each other. Self love enables you to become a better mother, lover, sister, aunt, friend and person. It allows you to find pure joy in the simplest of experiences. You will feel much more grateful for what you have and that in itself, will increase your feelings of self worth.

So make a commitment today to practise self love every morning. I guarantee it will change your life!

Namaste.

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The Butterfly Hug

The Butterfly Hug is an incredible and powerful way to let go of intense negative feelings. The method itself is simple and easy to do yourself depending on the severity of your condition or memory that you wish to work on.

Watch this video now and try out this effective tool yourself.

 

Take care

Mairead

Loose Something? Cash, Weight…….

Most of us refer to weight loss or losing weight – it’s one of the highest search terms in google – and many people try to lose weight many times during their lives especially before a holiday or event (wedding, graduation etc) but how many of us question the actual language we use?

I will use the term ‘weight loss’ on my website as it’s what potential clients search for but I do not use it in my sessions! And if you think of it – there is a pretty obvious reason as to why it’s best to avoid the phrases ‘weight loss’ or ‘losing weight’ – and alteratively choosing a more motivating phrase instead.

When we talk about ‘loss’ in general – is it usually associated with happiness or sadness? Sadness – that’s right – loss of a loved one, job loss, loss of human rights etc. LOSS has many negative connotations to it and yet we use it more or less all the time when referring to the process of slimming or shedding excess fat! So no wonder you feel so miserable when you keep referring to weight loss on your journey to your ideal weight!!!

Also – what about losing weight? Do you want to lose weight? Yes of course you do but seriously – do you want to ‘find’ it again too? Probably not!!! When we lose something (usually car keys for me!) we ultimately set off to find it don’t we? So our mind has linked lost, loosing, lose etc with something that we need to find – so guess what – if it ‘hears’ your saying that you have lost weight – it may well feel obliged to help you find it again – just as it helped you find those missing keys the other week!

So chose your words wisely – every day – not just on matters of slimming! If you are trying to shed a few pounds or a mountain of fat – then tell yourself and others that you are ‘letting go’ of the excess fat/weight – as letting go suggests we had something once that served a purpose (a boyfriend/book/behaviour etc) but now we no longer need it so we ‘let it go’ to make us feel better.

Or use an even more positive phrase which not only uses more positive language but also provides an image (it will do each time you say it believe me) in your mind of your desired goal – the slimmer you.

Starting each day with a positive affirmation and visualization – of ‘I am slim and healthy’ focuses your mind on what you want (slim and healthy), tells your mind exactly what you want (slim and healthy) and helps you to remain focused on what you want to obtain (yes you’ve guessed it -slim and healthy).

Change your language today and see how much better you feel about your journey to a slimmer and healthier and happier you! IT Does make a difference to how you feel and if you feel better you will feel more motivated and if you feel more motivated (you are getting quick now aren’t you?!) you are more likely to succeed at reaching your ideal weight!

So chose to let go of your excess weight and focus on your ideal weight and shape – see it, hear it and feel it – it can be yours!

Good luck – and if you need some help with letting go of those nasty beliefs preventing you from reaching your ideal weight – give me a shout! I have helped hundreds (including myself) to fulfil their goals of reaching and maintain their ideal weight – so I can help you too!!

Letting Go Of The Ego

The ego is part of who we are and if we are not careful your ego can run and ruin your life.

We are used to hearing comments such as ‘he’s on one big ego trip’ or ‘they are too egotistical’ yet what does it really mean. When we use phrases like these we do so in a way which pertains to the individual as being too full of themselves i.e. listening to their egos desire to be liked, to fit in. However are we not being egotistical by judging them?

Your ego’s role is to protect you from perceived threat or hurt and upset, however all too often our ego takes over where rationality should be. If we were hurt by our friends back in primary school then it doesn’t mean to say that everyone else from that moment on is out to get us although unfortunately our egos view, if left unchecked, could be just that which is hardly realistic!

For example, if someone is on their ‘grumpy horse’ (like my son this morning) your ego’s usual response is to take the matter personally and you will usually hear that well-worn voice in your head saying things such as ‘how dare they be rude to me’ or ‘who do they think they are?’

Both statement are ego based (the situation is about me) and far from rational (the poor woman is having a bad day).

Responding to someone elses bad mood in a personal and negative way will often end up with some form of retaliation in order to be seen to defend ourselves – to say to the world ‘we are good enough’ or we harbour a grudge, both create bad feelings and anger. And besides if you are good enough then do you need to prove it to other people?

The ego makes us think about our needs too much and places little thought or consideration on other people. The ego also tends to be ‘all or nothing’ – ‘they hate me’, ‘they think I’m stupid’ etc.

Now if we ignored our ego and realized that everyone’s human and that we can all have a bad day then our first response to the above situation is remarkably different. We become more aware of other people’s feelings, we are less judgemental and we are certainly more positive and less hostile! We live outside our limited perception and become aware that other people see things very differently from how we view the world.

So if your first response it to take what people say or do very personally then you are more than likely too caught into your egotistical response, however choosing to realize that there are other views of the world and not just your ego’s, can open up many more doors for you in your future as well as leaving you feel more rounded, loved and calmer and more content with life.

So next time that voice in your head says you aren’t good enough or that someone is out to get you – question it – as it’s more than likely you are good enough and the other person probably doesn’t even know you exist! And if they do know you exist and are rude – then guess what? It’s about them not you so move on!

Your mind is just that, your mind, so if your ego is controlling it then it’s certainly controlling you, so maybe it’s about time you thought about taking back control of your mind.

Try mediation or mindfulness. Be aware of the moment and choose to see the world through a more rational pair of eyes – see the world through the eyes of someone else from time to time – it’s amazing how differently things can seem! You never know you may begin to realize that you aren’t all that different from all those other people out there!

The Butterfly Hug

Recently I have mentioned the Butterfly Hug which is a really simple yet powerful way to release negative emotions such as grief, anxiety, depression and trauma and this is an excellent tool to help kids who suffer from anxiety due to Aspergers, Autism, ADHD etc as it’s something they can use themselves easily once taught.

Seeing Is Believing

Many clients come to me in the hope that they can feel more confident in certain situations whether that be driving, singing, dancing, public speaking or to simply feel better about themselves.

I usually see these clients for a couple of sessions however there is an incredibly easy and effective tool that anyone can use which will build confidence over time and as they say, the more you do it the more you will benefit!

Visualization is (and I can not stipulate strongly enough!!!) one of the most simple yet powerful self help tools available to one and all and is completely free! The majority if not all of top athletes use visualization to enhance performance and it has been proven that visualization is more effective than just training alone. Top business men, professionals, actors, singers and even doctors use this simple tool.

Why? Well first and foremost because visualization  reprogrammes our mind for success. Your mind does respond to the thoughts you have and the images you create in your mind too. So if you see yourself confident you mind will respond accordingly. Also the part of the brain that responds to what we actually see is the same part of the mind that responds to what we visualize too, so your mind will just assume that you are the confident individual you see in your mind and will accordingly produce the behaviour appropriate. And the more you see yourself confident the stronger the new neural pathways become to that new more positive behaviour.

Secondly, when you visualize yourself feeling good and acting in a way that you wish to behave, you will automatically begin to feel better in yourself too so visualization stimulates these wonderful feel good feeling more and more in response to the positive images we create.

Thirdly. The part of your mind that is responsible for your behaviours in the unconscious mind and this part of our mind has many duties, one being to move you towards pleasure and away from pain. So whilst you visualize yourself acting more confidently, you begin to feel better too, so your unconscious mind will begin to associate this feel good feeling with acting confidently  and as it wants you to feel happy it will produce more confident behaviour to ensure you keep feeling great!

Visualization may not be easy to begin with as you may not be used to creating images in your mind but believe you me, you do produce images daily in your mind whether you are aware of it or not! Think of something you love and you may be surprised to notice an image pop to mind straight away! If you do struggle with visualizing then daydream – most people can daydream and quite often do about winning the lottery!

When you see yourself confident in your mind you may notice your physiology adapts accordingly too, however really get a sense of, or an image of just how you would look, how you would behave, especially in those situations that perhaps you would avoid. How do you sound when you speak? How do you walk? How do you feel in yourself? So really get into how you would look, feel, think, behave when confident and most importantly is FEEL how great you feel when you see yourself confident because the better you feel while visualizing the more confident you the quicker the transformation!

Get into a routine too – visualize first thing in the morning to set you up for the day and several times during the day – it only needs to be for a couple of minutes to make a difference each day. If you are preparing for something that you need to feel more confident about then see yourself doing what ever it is, whether it’s presenting or chatting up that guy at work that you’ve had your eye on for ages, but see yourself doing what you want to do in the way that you want to do it and make sure that you focus only on a positive performance because remember – what the mind can see the mind will achieve!!

So get seeing you in a more positive light and see how quickly you begin to feel differently. Confidence is based on perception and by changing how you see yourself in your mind you are changing how you perceive yourself in everyday life too.

Good luck!