I’m Sorry …

We come across many people in our everyday lives. Some enhance our lives whilst others detract from our daily satisfactions and others seem hell bent on making you pay for whatever shit they are dealing with in their lives or from their past!

I believe that we can learn a lot from the people that show up in our lives, especially when certain types of people show up regularly! There’s a learning there for the taking.

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Certain behaviours we find annoying in others may be a reflection of a behaviour we deny in ourselves which we may need to address such as anger, weakness, thoughtless etc

We can all have elements of these behaviours, but for some people these behaviours may be creating problems in their lives. Non of us are infallible. If you think you are, you may need to address this! 😂

Behaviours that upset us could also be a warning that we need to look at our belief system and address a limiting belief about ourselves or our world, or it could be showing us that we need to be more true to ourselves and not others.

You may come across rude or controlling people that ‘ push your button’ and it may well be that you need to address how you let others treat you. It may be a lesson in learning to stand up for yourself or to believe in yourself more.

Or it may mean you need to look at relationships where you too are controlling in some way.

There are always lessons to learn from behaviours that you find distasteful in others!

For example, I have recently met a woman who is highly controlling and I consider her behaviour rude. She, it appears, is entitled to be flexible, whilst she expects me to ask ‘how high’ when she tells (not asks) me to jump!

To say I find her manner frustrating is an understatement however I have asked myself why she should show up in my life. What is her controlling behaviour, her rudeness and her superiority flagging up within me?

The first learning. Stick up for yourself more. Now depending on who you ask, you may well get two sides to this!

Whilst I don’t take kindly to being messed around there are situations where I tolerate bad behaviour for the appearance of ‘professionalism’. However I can still be professional and say no thank you!

Tolerating disrespectful behaviour that is a ‘one off’ is fine, but when it forms the basis of a relationship, it needs to be dealt with accordingly. I am worthy of respect. Learning number two.

Also – is her overly controlling behaviour highlighting an element of controlling behaviour in me? I can certainly see situations where I can be controlling – I’m no where near as bad as I used to be but could I still loosen my parental reins? Probably. Lesson number three.

But it’s also interesting to see just how much I have already let go of the need to control my kids’ lives and this woman’s controlling behaviour has highlighted just how much I have changed and has helped me recognise this positive change. So all good so far! Lesson number four.

And honestly? This behaviour is this woman’s responsibility. It’s her ‘story’. She needs to own it. She needs to address it. Not me. Lesson number five.

But the main lesson? It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to say I’m sorry but I deserve better than this. It’s okay to walk away without any explanation. Lesson number six.

Wow! How amazing. Someone’s shitty behaviour has helped me see so much within me. Imagine if we all reflected on this how much more self awareness we’d have. How much better we would feel?

So if you continue to ‘invite’ people into your life with a behaviour trait that grates with you, ask yourself these two questions.

What behaviour in me do I dislike and need to address?

What limiting belief is this highlighting within me that I need to let go of?

We do not need to be held hostage by other people’s shitty behaviour and by working out why it pisses us off so much, we will find ourselves less and less bothered by obnoxious people. Now how awesome would that be?

Because, from where I am standing, well sitting, we are ALL worthy of respect. So expect nothing less.

You are amazing.

You are enough.

You deserve better.

Advertisements

Disrespect Me – Disrespect Yourself

I saw a recent affirmation that said something along the lines of – I’m sorry that I wont allow you to disrespect me and if that makes me ‘difficult’ then OK (obviously worded much better than this!)

And this resonated with me. So many times we blame others for out bad mood or our bad behaviour or out bad attitude yet the only person truly responsible is us. People can annoy the hell out of us, be rude to us or be completely offensive to us – yet we respond is our choice.

This also resonated on another level too. I work with difficult children and live with two too! I can become the garbage bin if I allow my students to constantly dump their rubbish on me – though to be honest – it’s more all over the floor and no where near the bin.

What’s important when you work with people, deal with people or live with people – is to NOT allow people to disrespect you. This does not mean that you have to rise up to every slight. it just means that you allow the other person to accept responsibility for their behaviour. By pointing out their poor behaviour you allow them the opportunity to learn and possibly adapt their behaviour. This is growth.

Not only are you not accepting their crap, you are allowing them the opportunity to grow.

On the other hand, if you constantly avoid dealing with people’s rude behaviour on a continual basis, it not only wears you down (there is a difference between ignoring it and allowing it) it also enables them to continue on their path of poor behaviour.

And it’s so much easier for them to label you as ‘difficult’ rather than to address their behaviour. And you know what – it that makes them feel better than fine. That’s their story and don’t make it yours.

So next time someone is disrespectful to you . Point it out. Calmly. And if they don’t like it – hard shit. Remember you didn’t much like their behaviour either!

We can be so ineffectual at dealing with rude behaviour and sometimes we need to bite the proverbial bullet and deal with it. It’s really not worth our effort if it’s a one off thing but with people we are in contact with often, it’s time to lay down some boundaries, dole out some home truths and allow the other person to grow.