Energy Transfer

I was working with a student the other day, looking at physics and the topic of energy transfer. We discussed how energy can neither be created nor destroyed and the concept of useful energy versus wasted energy.

On my drive home, I mulled over the lesson and thought about the context of energy use being either useful or wasteful in our daily lives and was immediately inspired to become mindful of my daily energy usage.

We all have a certain amount of energy to ‘spend’ each day on eating, walking, laughing, worrying, smiling, frowning. loving, hating etc and most of us are not in the least aware of how we spend our energy each day.

If you’re feeling drained at the end of each day, then ask yourself how much energy do you give yourself each day? How much energy do you give out lovingly to others? How much energy do you give through self love and appreciation? How much energy do you save from stopping the worrying and doing something constructive instead? How much energy do you conserve from letting the little things go and taking 10 minutes to be still?

When you spend your energy constantly cursing other drivers on the road (on on my favourite energy wasting activities), worrying over every detail of your life, running around after and/or seeking validation from others, then you are wasting your precious energy on unskillful practices.

When you begin to see there are two ways to spend your energy – one that can drain you and leave you feeling tired and dissatisfied, or another than can leave you feeling full of life, happy and feeling in love with life, you CAN begin to make wise and skillful choices.

Mindfulness is a skill which can help transform you life (as can regular meditation) and being aware of how you CHOOSE to spend your energy is a powerful exercise in self awareness.

Spending your energy wisely, skillfully and on positive things that will enhance your standard of physical, mental and emotional welfare will benefit you greatly and will give you inner space to enjoy life more.

Make a conscious decision today to look at your energy expenditure and to  spend it wisely. What is the use of getting angry and upset about someone who’s being a prat for the day/hour/minute? It’s so much easier to see that you yourself have been that prat – so move on, love more and spend your energy wisely!

Not only will you feel better you may notice a difference in your depression, anxiety or self esteem too.

Live a better life. Life your best life.

Namaste!

 

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How’s The Fit?

Just in from a lovely walk with the dogs where I got to thinking about ‘fitting in’.

I met a friend whilst out who has  lost a lot of weight (you should never say you want to lose weight or you will look to find it subconsciously at some point later) and how she loved buying clothes now. That got me thinking about how my eldest son has changed his outward appearance over the last few years – thankfully!

Gone is his daily tracksuit attire and in are jeans and jumpers. It may be an age thing – but then I see men of all ages wearing tracksuits and they are almost certainly not going to the gym. Saying that – they are entitled to wear what they want to wear.

When I thought about his change I have to look at his closest friend – who is Spanish and always dresses well. Perhaps he has been the influence on my son’s change of wardrobe. Yes he still wears joggers but more so now for the gym.

But what drives our sense of style? What drives our need for success? What forces us to be someone who follows the crowd?

When I look at most of the young girls today they all look pretty similar to me. Long straight hair and similar attire. I suppose I was no different in my teens – though very different in my early twenties.

Man is driven by the need to ‘fit in’. To be like everyone else in order to survive. We generally like people who are like ourselves and tend to accept these people readily into our inner circle.

Our need to feel loved and accepted is high. When we feel rejected we feel bad and looking different brings with it a higher level of rejection, as does having different view points, being passionate about something, or speaking out.

So many just plod along, being like everyone else. Striving for recognition from friends and colleagues or even the man in the street. Buying the latest trend, the best car, loving what everyone else loves in the desperate need to feel ‘the same’ to feel included and accepted.

Thousands of years ago to be in a community meant safety and survival. You were more likely to survive if there were many of you watching out for wild animals and hunting for food and this need to be part of a community has stayed with us, not through a real need to survive, but an imagined need to fit in and be accepted in order to ‘survive’.

In order for us to survive today, we have to be accepted, successful, admired by others, and indeed, be the same as the others. Yet do we? A child in order to survive needs a mother and in order to thrive needs a mother’s love. However there is no greater love than self love and if you love and accept yourself, you are less needy of external verification. You know you matter and you don’t need others to verify this.

Rejection is hard and each and everyone of us will know this, however rejection of the self is more destructive. When we live up to others standards and follow their lead, we may seem to fit in, but do we really feel happy?

Rejection of the self is damaging on an emotional, mental and physical level. It can destroy our confidence and self worth. When we begin to accept ourselves for the individuals we are we become happier, more successful (and I am not relating to work success or financial success only here but emotional, relationship etc too), more at peace with ourselves.

So next time someone tells you to watch what you say when you express an opinion, be glad that you had the guts to express it and not bad that it wasn’t the same as theirs. When anyone laughs at your new hair cut – love it more! If someone judges you by the clothes you wear then be glad that you have the money to buy clothes!

But most of all, understand those that judge you for being different, for they truly haven’t found the strength to be themselves. They haven’t the voice to shout out ‘this is me’. They haven’t learnt the power of self love and acceptance.

Be unique. Be true to yourself, Be you.

 

Unlearn Those Limiting Beliefs

Now most people at some point in their lives feel a little anxious about something, whether it be about how they perform, how the look or what they believe to be acceptable and most anxieties are linked to what we believe about ourselves or the world.

If you dread giving presentations or speaking up in meetings it is most likely that you feel you are going to be judged unfairly. So why do many people have a fear of being judged? Why do many people avoid those social situations which many people thrive in?

Well it all comes down to your beliefs and more likely, the beliefs you hold about yourself. If you believe that you are not good enough or that you will always fail, then it’s no surprise that you feel ‘not good enough’ and act accordingly. However if you believe you are good enough, you feel differently about yourself and you behave in a very different way.

Now beliefs are formed in many different ways, usually from past experiences, but the important thing to note here is, just as beliefs get ‘learnt’ at some point in your life, they can be unlearnt too!

A belief is something we believe to be true at our deepest level and unfortunately most humans feel they are intrinsically bad or not good enough. But s this true?

Are you really bad or not good enough or is it simply that you fail to live up to others’ expectations?

I would hazard a guess that you are good enough and that you are a good person. You may occasionally say or do ‘bad’ things but does that make you a bad person? You may be awful at singing and scared rigid of presenting in front of people, but are you really not good enough?

Telling yourself you are good enough or a good person each and every day is unlikely to change your limiting belief of yourself, however bringing doubt into the equation will. Did you believe 100% in Father Christmas? Did you believe 100% that you first love was the ‘one’

When you start to hear different stories about the existence of Father Christmas or see things differently once the ‘honeymoon’ period of the romance is over, you change the way you see things and ultimately your belief system.

It is said that every breakthrough in personal development comes from a change in belief. So how can you change a limiting belief?

By simply following the seven steps below – which are widely used by therapists and individuals alike with a high percentage of success. This works so well as it allows you to begin to doubt those limiting beliefs that have held you hostage for so long. Once you doubt a belief, you can begin to unpick it and then replace it with a new empowering one instead. And it’s important to replace any limiting belief with a new positive one as the old one could creep back into your life and we certainly don’t want that do we?

Belief Change Process

Ask yourself these questions in relation to the limiting belief. It’s more powerful if you write the answers down too – it makes for a quicker belief change process.

  1. Is this belief or statement completely true? 100% true?
  2. Can you be 100% sure that it is true? All of the time? (really???)
  3. What does you keeping hold of this belief do to you? Does it help in any way?
  4. Who will you become in ten years if you continue to hold on to this belief?
  5. What will the costs be to you (and others) if you do not change this belief now?
  6. Who would you become and how differently would you think, act and feel if you let go of this old belief?
  7. Create a new belief to replace the old one. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Daily, hourly or whenever you doubt yourself. State your new belief with feelings. Attach positive emotions to it to make it more compelling than the old belief.

Also, for step 7 make sure you use a belief that you can believe in. If ‘I am amazing’ feels too out there then simply state ‘I am good enough (though your probably are amazing!).

And make sure you have a positive belief statement i.e. I am good enough or I am enough NOT I am not a bad person.

Take time to work through this process and really think about your answers.  If you need to work through this daily until you notice a shift, then do so.  Repeat your new belief when ever you can. Write it down on a card or on your mirror to remind you daily how amazing you are!

Good luck.

Namaste!

 

The Power Of Love

As a rather logical and analytical person I love to ‘work out’ how people tick and how to make them feel better – that’s why I do the job I do.

I use the power of the mind to help people overcome phobias, panic, depression, insomnia, low self esteem as well as many other life issues and I fully understand the concept behind the use of hypnosis as a healing tool. The mind or rather the unconscious mind is a very powerful tool – it is larger and more powerful than the conscious mind (will power) and hypnosis allows us to access this amazing ‘machine’ in order to release limiting beliefs, fears, negative thinking patterns etc more or less instantly.

But where is our mind located in our body? Most of us presume our mind is located in our brain but there is no conclusive evidence to suggest this is correct and whilst our brains are phenomenally powerful – no question about that – does it house our mind?

The left side of our brain is referred to as the logical mind – this is where we analyse information we receive in order to make decisions etc. The right side of our brain is the creative part and is where the subconscious mind lies. This is the part of the brain we use when singing, dreaming, or doing anything creative such as drawing or writing.

Our brains are incredibly powerful and can bring about incredible transformations in people when stimulated directly or indirectly (NLP, Hypnosis etc) however whilst our brains have incredible power, our hearts are where the real power lies.

When we compare our mind power to that of the heart – we can see that our hearts win hands down when it comes to sheer power. The following information is from the Heathmath Centre in the States –

HEART FACTS

Research by the Institute for HeartMath in California4 has shown that the heart is the most powerful generator of electromagnetic energy in the human body:

o The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain.

o The magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 5000 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain

o The electromagnetic energy of the heart not only envelops every cell of the human body, but also extends out in all directions in the space around us

o Our cardiac field touches those within 8 – 10 feet of where we are positioned (and perhaps in more subtle ways at greater distances)

o One person’s heart signal can effect another’s brainwaves, and heart-brain synchronization can occur between two people when they interact

o Research conducted at the Institute of HeartMath suggests that the heart’s field is an important carrier of information

Our mental and emotional state impacts the quality of contact we offer to another person. When we touch one another with safe, respectful, loving intention both physically and emotionally, we call into play the full healing power of the heart.

So when we consider all of the above information and take into consideration that our heart has the power to impact every cell in our body as well as influence how other people feel – why do we not use this powerful source of loving energy to transform how we feel and the world we live in?

Love is the most powerful emotion which can bring healing to our bodies and minds. By focusing on the power of love (calling to mind loving memories or the feeling of love) we can not only change how we feel immediately, we can begin to change how we feel long term too. Love can help you transform limiting beliefs, improve health and fitness, help heal wounds in relationships as well as helping you to lose weight!

The heart has more power than your brain and can influence every cell (including your brain cells) in your body. So if you want to feel happier – focus on loving thoughts whilst repeating ‘I feel happier and happier’ or if you want to curb those cravings, call to mind some loving feelings (from a memory or bring to mind someone you love very much) and they repeat in your mind ‘I am in control of my eating. I enjoy eating healthily’.

I use loving meditation all the time to change how I feel, to bring more peace into my mind and relationships, as well as transforming limiting beliefs into supporting positive ones.

So next time you come up against a problem in your life, take five minutes to sit down and bring to mind some loving memories or feelings and as you do focus on a solution to your problem. I recently wanted to change how I felt about someone I was meeting (I wasn’t particularly sure of how I felt about them) as I felt my reservations may impact negatively on our meeting. So I sat down for five minutes focused on some happy memories and then focused on the person I was due to meet whilst sending loving thoughts to them.

When I opened my eyes I felt more positive about this person and this was reflected when we met. As I shook there hand I felt a genuine warmth for them which created a more conducive atmosphere for a successful meeting.

Love really is all you need to change your world and I will be posting a video some time this week on how to transform your limiting beliefs with loving thoughts. So watch this space!

Spread the Love!

Your Life – Your Responsibility

I wrote a post on my other blog recently about responsibility and how it underpins an ancient Hawaiian healing process known as Ho’oponopono. Ho’oponopono works on the premise that we have to accept 100% for everything that happens in our lives and whilst this is a massive thing to take on board, it is in fact the only way to bring harmony into your life.

Our life is a mirror of our mind – what we perceive in the outside world is what we project from our inner mind as wonderfully illustrated in the ode below:

‘Why is everyone here so happy except me?’

‘Because they have learned to see goodness and beauty everywhere’ said the Master

‘Why don’t I see goodness and beauty everywhere?’

‘Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside.’                                       Anthony de Mello

If we fail to see love in the outside world it’s because we fail to see it inside ourselves. If we fail to see generosity in the world around us it is because we fail to see it in ourselves and in our minds. What we see in our minds – good or bad – is what we see in the outside world.

We project a mirror image of our internal world onto our outside world – ‘perception is projection’. What we perceive in others or the world is what we see in ourselves (project) based on our past experiences. What we see in our world can be very different from what other people see and we tend to overlook this fact especially in our relationships.

If two people go into a relationship with different views, beliefs and opinions they will no doubt see things differently but also have different expectations from one another too and that’s okay as long as both parties recognise that each is unique. Problems occur when we fail to see other people as individuals with individual needs.

For example, if a woman goes into a relationship believing that she isn’t good enough, she may seek continual reassurance from her partner in order to feel less inadequate or insecure. If she doesn’t receive this continual reassurance she may feel let down or even rejected and/or she may begin to see the other person as cold or withdrawn.

Her partner on the other hand may value freedom – perhaps he has been in a controlling relationship in the past – so he expects to do what he wants when he wants. So as their relationship progresses she becomes more demanding – seeking continual reassurances in order to make her feel good enough and he begins to feel smothered, so he asserts his right to freedom by pulling away from her. This leaves her feeling even more in need of reassurances and him wanting more and more freedom to escape her continual demand for attention and so the cycles begins.

So when the relationship ends (she feels let down because he was  ‘cold and uncaring’  and he feels disappointed because she was so ‘needy’) both seek to blame the other because they feel so hurt and let down. Neither accepts any responsibility in the doomed relationship though both we involved, so they go on to do the same thing in their next relationship and the one after that and so on and so on. How many times have you heard people saying ‘I always seem to attract the wrong man’ or ‘I always end up getting hurt’?

By accepting 100% responsibility for every relationship in your life you can break the continual cycle of disastrous relationships. If you blame every one else for your failed relationships then how can you begin to change future relationships? You cant! By looking at how you, not the other person, contributed to the relationship breakdown, you begin to gain some valuable insight into how you see yourself and other people and how this impacts on each and every relationship you have.

When you ask yourself   ‘what can I learn about myself from this relationship?’ you can begin to gain a better insight into how you contributed to the success or failure of any relationship. You can begin to see that perhaps it was your continual need to be valued that drove the other person away or perhaps it was your fear of rejection which meant that you were too demanding?

Yes the other person may well have treated you with little respect but how did you contribute to this? Did you allow them to disrespect you? Did you speak up about how you felt and allow the other person a chance to change how they treated you? If you did and they still treated you disrespectfully,  did you walk away?

If you continually seek to blame the other person you continually fail yourself.  If you accept 100% responsibility for your relationships you allow yourself the chance to let go of blame, bitterness and the desire to always be right. Instead you find it easier to say ‘I’m sorry’ and move on with your life. Each of us is responsible for how we treat others and each one of us is responsible for how we let others treat ourselves.

However – and this is where most of the confusion occurs regarding accepting 100% responsibility for every relationship you have – whilst I accept 100% responsibility for my relationships – I do not accept the ‘blame’.

If you mistreated me or abused me or hit me I accept that there was something in me that allowed this to happen however I neither condone or accept responsibility for your behaviour. You are 100% responsible for how you allow others to treat you, for your behaviour, your actions and how you treat me. I am 100% responsible for how I allow others to treat me, for what I say and how I behave.

We all contribute to every relationship we have (and if you don’t contribute then perhaps that’s why you are on your own!) so we each need to accept 100% responsibility for them. I can accept 100% responsibility for my relationship with you but I can not accept 100% responsibility on your behalf – only you can do that.

Whilst I can accept 100% responsibility for my relationships I can not expect others to accept any responsibility for theirs and neither can you. Some people have neither the emotional intelligence nor the maturity to accept any responsibility for anything let alone for the relationships they have however once you begin to notice that you are allowing these people into your life, you can begin to weed them out!

All people come into your life to teach you valuable lessons – whether it’s to teach you to respect yourself more or to show you how wonderful you truly are – they are in your life for a purpose. The more you learn from each and every person in your life, the more fulfilling your life will become.

Be the person you want others to be and they will become the person you want them to be. If you want respect you need to respect yourself. If you want to be valued you need to see value in yourself.

 

Change Those Habits And Be Slim!

Weight loss is a lifelong commitment which requires appropriate lifestyle changes in order to not only lose weight but maintain weight loss too. And whilst that may sound daunting – changing habits can be tricky to say the least – it is not impossible.

If you have the right technique to help you let go of outdated habits which are keeping you from losing weight (perhaps binging late in the evening, eating biscuits with you tea etc) then you may find you are on the way to weight loss success more quickly than you imagined and who knows – the view may be stunning too!

Below is a simple NLP technique that can help you replace your old habitual patterns with new healhier ones in a matter of minutes. Yes you read that right – you can reprogram your mind in a matter of minutes with this amazing NLP tool. So give it a go and get on your way to a healthier lifestyle and a slimmer you. So give it a go right now and transform your life and your figure. Remember this Swish process can be used for any habit.

The Swish Technique

1. Firstly, identify the unhealthy habitual behavior that you would like to change. For example, if may be that you don’t exercise enough, that you always clear your plate or you eat too fast. Chose a specific habit or behavior that you want to get rid of.

2. Identify the trigger behind your habit or behavior. Your habit or automatic behavior is more often than not, triggered by a specific stimulus i.e. you don’t consciously chose to behave in this particular way, your mind responds automatically to an external trigger. Once you identify the trigger that causes the unwanted behavior, you can then to on to change it.

So for example, the memory of your mum’s voice from childhood telling you to finish all your dinner could be the trigger behind you cleaning your plate every meal time. Watching TV could be your trigger for snacking in the evening. If you struggle getting to the gym, what is the exact moment when you decide not to go? Is it an image of you being out of breath on the exercise bike that makes you say ‘sod it’ or is it the thought of relaxing in front of the TV instead?

Whatever the reason, there will be a specific trigger that generates an automatic response. If you find it difficult to identify the specific trigger for your behaviour, then imagine trying to teach someone how you decide not to go to the gym, or how to decide to eat up all the food on your plate. What is that they will have to see, hear or feel that will make them also want to avoid going to the gym or want to clear plate? What is it exactly that convinces you to do what you do?

Now before we go onto the next step, get up and walk about or count backwards from 10 to 0. This helps to break state (change your focus from what you don’t want in order to focus on what you do want instead).
3. Choose Your New Behaviour

Now you get to choose what you would prefer to do instead of the old behaviour. What new habit or behaviour do you want instead? What image in your mind will inspire you to go to the gym or stop you eating all the food on your plate? The image you choose has to be as compelling as you can possibly make it – it has to motivate you to choose this new behaviour over the old one.

It is very important that you chose an image that will motivate you and make you feel positive. So for example, you could have an image of you immediately after a gym session, buzzing with those feel good endorphins and feeling fantastic. You could see a slimmer you at the table leaving food on the plate and feeling proud of what you have accomplished. So get a clear picture of the response you would like instead right now. Close your eyes and see it.

Ensure when you chose the image for the new behaviour you need to be able to see yourself in the image.Once you have got your picture in your mind – then make it even more compelling, even more motivating. Make the picture bigger and brighter – add some sounds – perhaps compliments from other people – really get into the picture and see every wonderful detail.

Now add some feelings – imagine how fantastic you would feel if this was happening now – really turn up those feel good feelings so that you feel absolutely amazing. Now double those feelings – triple them and really enjoy this image, the sounds and these feelings. Brilliant.

When you are happy with this image and the feelings it produces then break state. Get up and walk around for 10 seconds; have a good stretch or sing ‘Happy Birthday’ – anything that changes your focus.

4: Lets Swish

Now is the time to get rid of the ‘old’ and bring in the ‘new’. You will replace the old trigger picture in step 2 into a new compelling image you created in step 3. To begin with you need to get the old trigger picture in your mind – make it as big and as bright as you can so that you can see every little detail. When you see the image it should be as though you are looking at it through your own eyes i.e. you are associated into the picture (you are not in the picture).

Now you have the old image in your mind, I want you to bring in a small postage stamped sized image of the new compelling image. Place this smaller image in the bottom left hand corner of the old picture. Keep the image small, darker and ensure that you see yourself in the image so that you are disassociated.

Now you are ready to Swish. All you do now is simply say the word ‘swish’ in your mind or out loud and as you do instantly increase the size of the new picture so that it totally covers the old one – so that it wipes it out completely and all you see is the new compelling image. As you increase the size of this new image make it brighter and add those feelings and sounds to it. Ensure that this new image totally obliterates the old one so that there is nothing remaining what so ever.

When the new image is big and bright really get into the details, the sounds and the feelings – luxuriate in how great you feel. Relax and enjoy this image and the feelings it creates for a few moments. Take your time and enjoy these feelings as the stronger the positive feelings the quicker the results. Now, break state.

5. Make The Change Permanent

Now you have completed this process once and it felt good right? Well now it’s time to make sure this change lasts – that it takes root in the inner most part of your mind and becomes as automatic as your old behaviour. So simply repeat step 4 at least 7 – 10 times ensuring that you break state in between each swish (get up and wiggle!).

This step is usually quicker than what you expect- this process usually takes me around 20 minutes to do with a client and that’s including the explanation! so stick to your guns and get going – the results are phenomenal. I have helped clients improve eating habits, get more exercise and improve their self image with this simple tool which means that you too can bring about lasting change.

So bring back the old trigger picture, put the new image in the bottom left hand corner of it and ‘swish’ – obliterate the old image and make the new image bigger, brighter and full of life. Remember to luxuriate in the wonderful feelings, sounds and details of the new image for a few moments to really make a powerful switch. Break state and start again!

6. Future Pace

Once you have run through step 4 several times you may have noticed that the old image starts to fade or that it completely disappears. That’s great! It means that you have been successful. If you still can see the old image that’s okay too as you will notice that it no longer has the power over you that it used to have.

If the old trigger still has strong feelings attached to it – run through step 4 a few more times. If there is no change that it may mean that you have the wrong trigger. Just start again and ask yourself ‘at what point do I decide to do the old behaviour? What do i see, hear or feel that makes me want to do X?’

Now think about your old behaviour and notice what you notice about how you feel about it now and you may be surprised to find that you feel completely different. Well done! You have succeeded in changing your habit!

So give this powerful tool a go when you have 20 minutes to spare – and don’t say you haven’t got the time – because you can always make the time.

Good Luck!

Smile!

A very simple yet powerful way to lift your spirits, to make you feel happier and more positive about who you are is to use a mirror and smile!

It may sound crazy and may feel completely awkward to begin with but keep at it and you will notice you begin to feel happier and better about who you are as an individual (and so you should because you are incredible!)

Every morning (and every time you pass a mirror if you can) take a couple of minutes to simply smile at yourself. That’s all you have to do – just smile at yourself. Appreciate it may feel weird to begin with – but keep doing it. If you can then tell yourself how amazing you are too – that you love yourself.

Again if that feels strange just go with it and before long you will feel comfortable smiling at yourself and telling yourself how great you are (because you are great!)

After a week you will begin to feel a little better and after a month you will feel a whole lot better and all you did was smile at yourself it the mirror and tell yourself how awesome you are!

Try it out – I mean how long does it take? And if you can do this exercise 3 times a day – in the morning, during the day (if you have the bathroom free at work) and at night just before you go to bed. You will notice that you do feel good whilst doing this exercise – and that’s great isn’t it?

You may notice that you begin to laugh too – and that’s great too as laughter is a powerful medicine and one which many lack. So Smile and be Happy!!