There is only ever a problem in relationships when the parties have different expectations of each other. If all parties had the same expectations of each other life is usually rosy however if I expect something from you and don’t get it I might begin to feel a little disappointed in you.
I had a bit of a standoff with my son this morning after he wiped his nose on my nice new clean sofa – as far as he was concerned his behaviour was okay. I on the other hand did not think it was okay – not only did he wipe his nose on the settee (eeewww yuk) but he’d also done it 2 days after me taking it apart and washing all the covers! He didn’t like me pulling him up for his poor hygiene (the didn’t see it as a problem – he needed to wipe his nose and the arm of the settee was the nearest thing for him to wipe it on!!!) and I did not appreciate his dirty tactics.
When you expect something from people and they fail to live up to your expectations you may well feel a little peeved – but do you have a right to be annoyed with them? Do you have a right to express your disappointment? Or are you expecting too much from your relationships and sabotaging them?
If you want more from me than I am willing to commit then that is something you need to deal with – not me. If I expect you to join forces with me on something that I feel strongly about and you say no – I don’t have a right to be upset with you although you have a right to say no! If you don’t want the same things as I do – then hey that’s okay – that’s life, but throw a hissy fit instead – then who ends up being even more disappointed?
When we expect people to do what we want them to do – then we will always be disappointed. If we expect more from people than they are willing to give then you will always be disappointed. If you expect someone to want the same as you – you are open to disappointment. If you accept that people are intrinsically the same but have very different views, opinions wants and needs – then you are less likely to have problems in your relationships.
I know I get disappointed with my children’s behaviour because I expect them to behave more appropriately – but then again they are only kids. If I accept that they have very different ideas from me then I can begin to accept them as individuals and as such lower my expectations of what to expect from them. They are kids and as such will be silly, annoying, loud, etc and if I expect them to act like kids and not as I would expect adults to behave – then there will be a more peaceful air around the home (that’s not to say I ignore bad behaviour!)
So next time you expect too much from your friend and they let you down – lower your expectations. If you believe you colleague at work should help you to complete that report and they run a mile in the opposite direction – then ask yourself if you are asking too much from them – should they be helping you anyway?
What you expect from others are notions about how they can help your or improve your life – not ideas on how you both can work together harmoniously. So next time you expect too much from your friend or colleague – ask yourself did you consider them in the equations or was it just what you wanted? And if you felt you did consider their needs – then perhaps think again – not everyone wants what you want!!!!
I felt compelled to put pen to paper or fingers to keys to express my shock at the Great British Public! Thankfully I am assuming that it is only a tiny minority of small minded, miserable, self-loathing individuals who resent anyone else actually having a life – let alone extending it.
Stephen Sutton – a 19 year old terminally ill cancer sufferer raised over three million pounds for a teenage cancer charity and whilst seriously ill. He was taken into hospital recently as he was on his proverbial last legs – so to speak – yet whilst in hospital he continued to raise funds for the cancer charity and people’s spirits. What an amazing young man – his life was being cut short – whilst other young men his age were out enjoying themselves without a thought or care for anyone else – Stephen was still fundraising despite his dire outlook.
So I was overjoyed when I read that this wonderful young man had been given a second shot at life – that he had made a miraculous recovery and was allowed home to enjoy more quality ‘life’ time. My first thought was ‘how fantastic – his awesome spirit has kept him alive’ – I was thrilled for the lad and his family – if anyone deserved a second chance of life – he did!
But then not everyone is like me. Not everyone sees the amazing ‘good’ in good news. For some people good news just reminds them of how bad their pitiful lives are – which is a shame because their lives could be so much more if they just focused on the very things they abhor – the good things in life!
I was horrified that some people had taken to twitter (one idiot in particular who tweeted to Stan Coleymore) and other media (it’s ‘safe’ to voice your vile opinions on these sites as you can hide behind your phone or computer screen – God forbid you meet people fact to face) to say how they felt ‘duped’ by Stephen’s recovery!!!!!!!!! Duped!!!!!
I would have laughed only for the sharp intake of breath. What sort of human being feels ‘duped’ because another human being has avoided the desperate grip of death’s claws? Would not ‘normal’ human beings feel warm and happy inside at such wonderful news that a 19 year old boy has recovered sufficiently enough to go home and spent some quality time with his family and friends which he never thought he’d be able to do?
Wouldn’t normal human beings be inspired by what this selfless, courageous and awesome young man has done and continues to do and what he has overcome? And to be honest – even if he hadn’t been knocking on death’s door – isn’t it amazing that he raised over 3 million for charity? How much did this twitter ‘fan’ raise? If someone is going to dupe me and raise 3 million for charity – then awesome!!!! Rather that than some arse sitting at home finding the next best thing to tweet about!
So to the millions of you who like me were overjoyed at Stephen’s recovery; who felt inspired to hope; who took a look at their own lives even if just for a moment to think how lucky they are; who struggled to comprehend how a man facing death could be so selfless and give until he could give no more – thank God for you! Because you are the very people who make the world go round!
And to Stephen – I hope you go on to make a remarkable recovery – to live until you are 99 – because not only do you deserve it – you have a spirit which can inspire millions and believe you me millions out there need to be inspired!