Faster Than Before

I am a fully qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, EFT Practitioner, Reiki Master, Time Line Therapist, Anger Management and Weight Management Consultant and Meditation Teacher amongst other things…..phew!

I use most of what I have learnt during my sessions with clients and there are one or two things that I find work well and which I enjoy using  myself too. Visualization is incredibly powerful and can lift your mood as well as transform your future. But what about letting go of the proverbial crap from your past?

I stumbled on Faster EFT recently – the ‘baby’ of Robert Smith (no not that Robert Smith…). I love EFT as I find it calming, soothing and incredibly quick at letting go of hurts and trauma from the past, however this Faster EFT not only works just as effectively as EFT, it is also quicker and easier to use. And what I like the most is, its a tool which my clients can utilise away from therapy too. Win;Win all round!

The process is simple to follow and works quickly on releasing ‘trapped’ emotions from the past and if you don’t think you carry around trapped emotions, think of a memory which was particularly upsetting to you at the time or frightening and notice how you can still feel those old feelings.

Basically you focus on a ‘bad’ memory, and the feelings it brings up in you whilst tapping certain acupressure points on your face and collar bone and that’s it! Simple. Effective and quick. I like it and it works well with my clients too!

I use Faster EFT myself, especially after a bad day or if I have any unexplained aches and pains – its awesome! So if you are struggling to let go of the past or any limiting beliefs, give this amazing tool a go. Visit my website to access a free copy of how to do Faster EFT or have a look on YouTube – there are plenty of videos on there which you can tap along to!

Have a peek at the free Faster EFT script courtesy of Robert Smith – and have a go. You have everything to gain and nothing what so ever to lose!

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Live A Little

Mornings with kids and a dog can be pretty hectic especially when you work. So this morning was no different than most school mornings. I had to chase my middle child out of the door to get the school bus, then take the dog out for a quick run, dash home in time to get the youngest up…..and so goes another school morning.

I know like many parents, I go into ‘automatic’  mode on these school mornings. Get kids up, ensure they get dressed, shout at them to hurry up, get breakfast, shout again to ask what they are up to as it’s been fifteen minutes and they are still not dressed or downstairs. All the while I’m getting myself ready, along with breakfast and lunches, if I didn’t have time to do them the night before.

Mornings become a mundane ritual of shouting, chasing the kids and general chaos.  I look forward to the half an hour out with the dog to be honest! However, do my mornings always have to be so ‘moody’ and intense? Why do I always have to rush around and shout? Is it not possible to approach the start of the day in a more proactive and fun way? Surely there must be a better start to the day than chaos and noise?

My youngest came in to my room this morning to ask if I’d signed a letter which of course had to be in today – so I was less than chuffed as we had only a few minutes to get out. He sat on the bed and gave me a hug. Then he said ‘after three lets just fall back.’ My initial reaction was to say no, don’t be silly, we need to get out to school and he immediately picked up on this even though I changed my mind at the last minute and we both feel back laughing.

He knew what my response would have been. No fun mum before school! Instead I thought what the hell, he’s my son and why not have a few minutes of fun time instead? So we had a tickle fight and both of us ended up laughing so hard we had tummy aches. Now that was certainly a better way to start the day than the ‘norm’.

We both went off on the school run in better spirits and will undoubtedly have a better start to our day as a result. By showing him that mornings could be fun, his whole mood lifted. Lead by example. It’s hard for a ten year old to be full of beans in the morning if all you are doing is nagging them!

So next time you feel your life becoming stagnant or too prone to dullness – take a few minutes to inject a bit of fun into your life – it makes a huge difference to how you feel and how you approach life too. And besides, others benefit from your upbeat mood too.

Instead of shouting at the kids to get ready, make getting ready into a game. First one downstairs dressed and ready for school gets to chose the DVD that evening. Or set a timer and record their times for getting ready and ask them if they think they could beat their best time yet. Kids love a challenge and a competition! Tell them that if they beat you getting dressed they get a treat ….use your imagination! Your kids will be more willing to have fun and get ready believe you me, than listen to you nagging each and every morning. And if they feel happier and more motivated to get ready, imagine how much better the mornings will be for you too. Who knows you might even start the day with a smile!

So many people have forgotten how to have fun – and more depressingly cant even have fun with the kids – and no, dragging your kids shopping is NOT fun. Get them out  on a bike through the puddles. Get them climbing trees. Lighten up and you may begin to notice that the whole world lightens up with you!

Change the mundane. Have fun. Smile and be happy. It IS a choice. So choose well and live a little..

Great Expectations

There is only ever a problem in relationships when the parties have different expectations of each other. If all parties had the same expectations of each other life is usually rosy however if I expect something from you and don’t get it I might begin to feel a little disappointed in you.

I had a bit of a standoff with my son this morning after he wiped his nose on my nice new clean sofa – as far as he was concerned his behaviour was okay. I on the other hand did not think it was okay – not only did he wipe his nose on the settee (eeewww yuk) but he’d also done it 2 days after me taking it apart and washing all the covers!  He didn’t like me pulling him up for his poor hygiene (the didn’t see it as a problem – he needed to wipe his nose and the arm of the settee was the nearest thing for him to wipe it on!!!) and I did not appreciate his dirty tactics.

When you expect something from people and they fail to live up to your expectations you may well feel a little peeved – but do you have a right to be annoyed with them? Do you have a right to express your disappointment? Or are you expecting too much from your relationships and sabotaging them?

If you want more from me than I am willing to commit then that is something you need to deal with – not me. If I expect you to join forces with me on something that I feel strongly about and you say no – I don’t have a right to be upset with you although you have a right to say no! If you don’t want the same things as I do – then hey that’s okay – that’s life, but throw a hissy fit instead – then who ends up being even more disappointed? 

When we expect people to do what we want them to do – then we will always be disappointed. If we expect more from people than they are willing to give then you will always be disappointed. If you expect someone to want the same as you – you are open to disappointment. If you accept that people are intrinsically the same but have very different views, opinions wants and needs – then you are less likely to have problems in your relationships.

I know I get disappointed with my children’s behaviour because I expect them to behave more appropriately – but then again they are only kids. If I accept that they have very different ideas from me then I can begin to accept them as individuals and as such lower my expectations of what to expect from them. They are kids and as such will be silly, annoying, loud, etc and if I expect them to act like kids and not as I would expect adults to behave – then there will be a more peaceful air around the home (that’s not to say I ignore bad behaviour!)

So next time you expect too much from your friend and they let you down – lower your expectations. If you believe you colleague at work should help you to complete that report and they run a mile in the opposite direction – then ask yourself if you are asking too much from them – should they be helping you anyway?  

What you expect from others are notions about how they can help your or improve your life – not ideas on how you both can work together harmoniously. So next time you expect too much from your friend or colleague – ask yourself did you consider them in the equations or was it just what you wanted? And if you felt you did consider their needs – then perhaps think again – not everyone wants what you want!!!! 

I Am Sorry….but

Three little words, just like I love You, which speak volumes and have the power to transform your relationships with other people including the relationship you have with yourself – I am sorry. However how many people use these words genuinely and with the intention that they were meant – to apologize sincerely for what they have done or said?

When we hurt someone or do something to offend another person or indeed ourselves, a simple yet heartfelt apology can undo damage caused. An apology lets the other person know that we are sorry for what ever it is that we have done and that we accept responsibility for our actions. It lets the other person know that we value them as a human being – that we understand that they get upset – we appreciate that we have upset them and are sorry.

Yet how many of us hand out apologies with little intention of a sincere apology? How many people apologize because they feel they ought to or that it might in some way be beneficial for them to apologize? How many of us use an apology as an means to lay blame at the other persons feet – ‘I’m sorry but you did……’?

A genuine apology should be just that – genuine. There should be no hidden agenda in it – the only agenda behind a sincere apology is to let the other person know that you are indeed very sorry for the pain that you have caused them and in apologizing you recognise your part – you accept that you are responsible for what you have done.

I had a very scary moment last week – I narrowly avoided a head-on collision with another car. My mind was elsewhere (looking for my son who hadn’t returned from school), the sun was in my eyes and before I realized it I was on the other side of the road with a car coming right at me! I pulled my car back over to the left as the other driver did the same. I was visibly shaken yet felt awful – the poor woman in the other car!

We had stopped almost side by side and I wound my window down and apologized straight away, confirming that the near miss was indeed all my fault (it was) and the first words out of her mouth were a barrage of expletives and insults. Now years ago I would have taken offence at this – how dare she speak to me like that when I have apologized? I could have retorted that to be honest it wasn’t my fault – not really – the sun had blinded me etc. I have witnessed many people withdrawing their apology and becoming defensive and aggressive when the other person has vented their hurt but why?

I now realize that the woman had a right to be angry with me – I had nearly caused an accident. I can now understand that she had a right to let off steam – I had nearly caused a crash! I could see she was visibly shaken and all I could do was let her know how sorry I was for the shock that I had caused her (unintentionally or otherwise) and I kept repeating ‘I am so sorry, it was all my fault’. In less than a minute the other driver had visibly relaxed – the wind knocked out of her sails so to speak by my continual apology.

Her final words to me where ‘well that’s ok, it’s just that I have recently had an accident and this really shook me up’. She had felt the need to offer me an explanation as to why she had reacted in the manner in which she had. She was happy that I had apologized and that she had vented her shock at me. The situation as far as she was concerned was resolved and off she went.

I was still shaken after the event however I felt a whole lot better for having accepted and apologized for what I had done. It could have been worse – I could have taken affront at her slating my apology – but I didn’t. I could have blamed the sun, the parked car etc. but I didn’t. My apology was sincere and I was determined to let her know it was. She seemed more than happy with my apology and for that I was just as happy. The last thing I had wanted to do was upset this poor woman any more.

So when we upset someone – either intentionally or unintentionally or – a heartfelt apology not only offers us a way of rectifying what we have done – it also helps both parties move on and feel better.If the other person can see that you are genuinely sorry they will more often than not accept your apology which is great because that means that you too can move on too. We are all responsible for every action or word we say – so own that and if you offend others – accept that and apologize sincerely.

Life would be a better place if we saw the true value of a sincere apology – we are not always 100% to blame for problems however we can accept 100% responsibility for our share in them and apologize – and who knows – you may actually feel better for doing so. In the long term – if you learn to accept responsibility and apologize you carry around less guilt – and that has to be good doesn’t it?

So start using these three little words and see how differently the world and it’s inhabitants respond to you. Words have to power to heal – so heal your relationships, your life and this world!

I love you.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

A Little Perspective

Kids are great aren’t they? They can teach you so much about yourself that perhaps you never knew or wanted to know!

My son had been grounded yesterday and was supposed to come straight home after school but he didn’t. He arrived home late and brought along his old friend Attitude too. Not only was I unhappy that he didn’t come home directly after school and that he came home at a ridiculous hour, I was now not happy about his offensive attitude with me. He marched in ready for a fight and was determined someone was going to get it!

So being the adult I rose to his offense much to my dismay and as any parent knows, if you rise up to your kid’s challenge, you have automatically let them win. Mum loses control, shouts and gets upset. One nil to him.

Granted – most days I rise above it but I’m only human so some days I don’t do very well! Instead of jumping in and giving him what he wanted – an argument – I should have stepped back and walked away. If I had have given myself space to think about the situation I would have perhaps wondered at why he needed to ‘let off steam’. I could have allowed him to calm down and then had a chat with him later to see if anything was upsetting him.

As it happened, something was upsetting him – a rather amazing teacher had told him that he perhaps was the dumbest boy in the entire school. And how did I find this out? Only after I had upset him! So not only did he feel devastated that his teacher had upset him and humiliated him in front of his class mates but his mum was now having a go at him too!

So next time your child seems keen to pick a fight or his behaviour seems more volatile than usual – step back and think about what might be going on inside their head instead of automatically focusing on what is going on inside your head. Okay it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of verbal abuse however if we realize that something has to be driving this behaviour then we begin to see things differently and respond is a more positive way.

Most people when hurt or upset lash out at those nearest – it’s nothing personal yet most of us take it personally. Next time someone you love seems to be more verbal or volatile than usual – perhaps wonder at what it is that has upset them instead of launching right back at them. We all need gentle handling at times especially when we are hurt or upset and that is no different for children.

Respect that kids too get upset that they lash out in frustration at times too after all they are only kids! Give them space to calm down instead of adding fuel to their fire. By focusing on what is driving their upset you change the focus off yourself (I am so annoyed that he is talking to me like this) and place it on them (I will give him space to calm down and see if he wants to talk about it later).

Start thinking about how others think and feel – at why they might be upset or behaving badly. There is more than just one person in this world so start looking at how others work and what motivates their behaviour. By seeing things from a different perspective you can begin to gain an understanding of how other people ‘tick’. Only when you learn to understand what motivates other people can you begin to build better relationships.

Remember the world doesn’t revolve around you – other people get upset and need space too – so appreciate this and walk away don’t push them away. They will come to you when they need too.

Hindsight is a great thing but pretty much defunct too – unless you learn from it and change. So change your perspective and look at situations from other peoples point of view too. There is always a reason people behave the way they do and you know what – most times it has nothing to do with you!

Clear Out the Junk

I had a pretty low day yesterday. The boys went back to school and I had a mound of work to tackle but little motivation to do it. I didn’t feel like doing my morning run but did it anyway. I didn’t run as far – my heart wasn’t in it and that was the problem that morning – my heart wasn’t in it.

I dragged out my laptop and opened my mail and feeling more like going for a long walk than work, I decided to take 20 minutes and meditate instead. I use the Ho’oponopono clearing prayer when I feel ‘blocked’ by anything in life or .n I find it hard to focus or calm my mind. So I sat down focused on my lack of motivation and began to meditate, repeating the mantra

I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you.

I use this Ho’oponopono clearing prayer when ever I feel the need to offload any emotional baggage of if I am experiencing any problems or relationship issues. Not only does it help calm the mind (it works like a mantra) it also helps to raise your energy vibrations too. The words you use believe it or not do have an effect on your body (look at the study of words on water by Dr Emoto) and by repeating the above prayer you can change your body’s energy field thus lifting your mood.

When yo do this clearing exercise focus on the words and their meaning as it really helps to make you feel better after all love is the ultimate healer! When you focus on the words ‘I love you’ say them with meaning – focus on love. When you say ‘I’m sorry’ mean it and if you find something coming up – either a memory or a feeling then work on that. It has surfaced for a reason!

So next time you feel a little ‘flat’ or your heart isn’t in something – do this clearing meditation using the simple prayer above. If you are having problems in a relationship then use the prayer as a way to clear out the negativity in the relationship. Focus on the person when you say the prayer and mean what you say. Tell them in your mind ‘I love you’ and say it with heartfelt meaning – apologise for anything in you that has caused the problem (there will be something even if it’s at an unconscious level). When you say thank you again say it with meaning.

I did this recently with someone and within an hour the person had apologized for their less than wonderful behaviour. I use it with a close family member and whilst his behaviour has calmed recently it is more his willingness to apologise for his poor behaviour which is the most noticeable change. When ever I experience any problems now I turn to this prayer – it really does work miracles!

Go on and give it a go – if it only clears your head and gives you peace of mind – it has worked. But use it to clear out any problems in your relationships too and see if you can notice the difference.

Change Those Habits And Be Slim!

Weight loss is a lifelong commitment which requires appropriate lifestyle changes in order to not only lose weight but maintain weight loss too. And whilst that may sound daunting – changing habits can be tricky to say the least – it is not impossible.

If you have the right technique to help you let go of outdated habits which are keeping you from losing weight (perhaps binging late in the evening, eating biscuits with you tea etc) then you may find you are on the way to weight loss success more quickly than you imagined and who knows – the view may be stunning too!

Below is a simple NLP technique that can help you replace your old habitual patterns with new healhier ones in a matter of minutes. Yes you read that right – you can reprogram your mind in a matter of minutes with this amazing NLP tool. So give it a go and get on your way to a healthier lifestyle and a slimmer you. So give it a go right now and transform your life and your figure. Remember this Swish process can be used for any habit.

The Swish Technique

1. Firstly, identify the unhealthy habitual behavior that you would like to change. For example, if may be that you don’t exercise enough, that you always clear your plate or you eat too fast. Chose a specific habit or behavior that you want to get rid of.

2. Identify the trigger behind your habit or behavior. Your habit or automatic behavior is more often than not, triggered by a specific stimulus i.e. you don’t consciously chose to behave in this particular way, your mind responds automatically to an external trigger. Once you identify the trigger that causes the unwanted behavior, you can then to on to change it.

So for example, the memory of your mum’s voice from childhood telling you to finish all your dinner could be the trigger behind you cleaning your plate every meal time. Watching TV could be your trigger for snacking in the evening. If you struggle getting to the gym, what is the exact moment when you decide not to go? Is it an image of you being out of breath on the exercise bike that makes you say ‘sod it’ or is it the thought of relaxing in front of the TV instead?

Whatever the reason, there will be a specific trigger that generates an automatic response. If you find it difficult to identify the specific trigger for your behaviour, then imagine trying to teach someone how you decide not to go to the gym, or how to decide to eat up all the food on your plate. What is that they will have to see, hear or feel that will make them also want to avoid going to the gym or want to clear plate? What is it exactly that convinces you to do what you do?

Now before we go onto the next step, get up and walk about or count backwards from 10 to 0. This helps to break state (change your focus from what you don’t want in order to focus on what you do want instead).
3. Choose Your New Behaviour

Now you get to choose what you would prefer to do instead of the old behaviour. What new habit or behaviour do you want instead? What image in your mind will inspire you to go to the gym or stop you eating all the food on your plate? The image you choose has to be as compelling as you can possibly make it – it has to motivate you to choose this new behaviour over the old one.

It is very important that you chose an image that will motivate you and make you feel positive. So for example, you could have an image of you immediately after a gym session, buzzing with those feel good endorphins and feeling fantastic. You could see a slimmer you at the table leaving food on the plate and feeling proud of what you have accomplished. So get a clear picture of the response you would like instead right now. Close your eyes and see it.

Ensure when you chose the image for the new behaviour you need to be able to see yourself in the image.Once you have got your picture in your mind – then make it even more compelling, even more motivating. Make the picture bigger and brighter – add some sounds – perhaps compliments from other people – really get into the picture and see every wonderful detail.

Now add some feelings – imagine how fantastic you would feel if this was happening now – really turn up those feel good feelings so that you feel absolutely amazing. Now double those feelings – triple them and really enjoy this image, the sounds and these feelings. Brilliant.

When you are happy with this image and the feelings it produces then break state. Get up and walk around for 10 seconds; have a good stretch or sing ‘Happy Birthday’ – anything that changes your focus.

4: Lets Swish

Now is the time to get rid of the ‘old’ and bring in the ‘new’. You will replace the old trigger picture in step 2 into a new compelling image you created in step 3. To begin with you need to get the old trigger picture in your mind – make it as big and as bright as you can so that you can see every little detail. When you see the image it should be as though you are looking at it through your own eyes i.e. you are associated into the picture (you are not in the picture).

Now you have the old image in your mind, I want you to bring in a small postage stamped sized image of the new compelling image. Place this smaller image in the bottom left hand corner of the old picture. Keep the image small, darker and ensure that you see yourself in the image so that you are disassociated.

Now you are ready to Swish. All you do now is simply say the word ‘swish’ in your mind or out loud and as you do instantly increase the size of the new picture so that it totally covers the old one – so that it wipes it out completely and all you see is the new compelling image. As you increase the size of this new image make it brighter and add those feelings and sounds to it. Ensure that this new image totally obliterates the old one so that there is nothing remaining what so ever.

When the new image is big and bright really get into the details, the sounds and the feelings – luxuriate in how great you feel. Relax and enjoy this image and the feelings it creates for a few moments. Take your time and enjoy these feelings as the stronger the positive feelings the quicker the results. Now, break state.

5. Make The Change Permanent

Now you have completed this process once and it felt good right? Well now it’s time to make sure this change lasts – that it takes root in the inner most part of your mind and becomes as automatic as your old behaviour. So simply repeat step 4 at least 7 – 10 times ensuring that you break state in between each swish (get up and wiggle!).

This step is usually quicker than what you expect- this process usually takes me around 20 minutes to do with a client and that’s including the explanation! so stick to your guns and get going – the results are phenomenal. I have helped clients improve eating habits, get more exercise and improve their self image with this simple tool which means that you too can bring about lasting change.

So bring back the old trigger picture, put the new image in the bottom left hand corner of it and ‘swish’ – obliterate the old image and make the new image bigger, brighter and full of life. Remember to luxuriate in the wonderful feelings, sounds and details of the new image for a few moments to really make a powerful switch. Break state and start again!

6. Future Pace

Once you have run through step 4 several times you may have noticed that the old image starts to fade or that it completely disappears. That’s great! It means that you have been successful. If you still can see the old image that’s okay too as you will notice that it no longer has the power over you that it used to have.

If the old trigger still has strong feelings attached to it – run through step 4 a few more times. If there is no change that it may mean that you have the wrong trigger. Just start again and ask yourself ‘at what point do I decide to do the old behaviour? What do i see, hear or feel that makes me want to do X?’

Now think about your old behaviour and notice what you notice about how you feel about it now and you may be surprised to find that you feel completely different. Well done! You have succeeded in changing your habit!

So give this powerful tool a go when you have 20 minutes to spare – and don’t say you haven’t got the time – because you can always make the time.

Good Luck!