Two Ways To Improve Your Relationships

I love this guys blog and what he says makes a lot of sense – so give this a read and see if you agree!

Power of PIES

One of the great means of peace while living on this earth is pleasant relationships. It’s not always easy. It is wonderful that God has blessed us with different personalities, gifts, and points of view. However, because of these differences, it is sometimes difficult to live in harmony.

I was doing some reading today about mind focus, and as I reflected, I was lead to two simple ways to enhance and improve any relationship.

Before I share, I will say that one word can make all the difference. That word is focus. Here’s how:

1. Focus on your best self. At this point you may ask, “aren’t we supposed to focus on the other person’s needs to help the relationship grow?” I will answer yes. However, you cannot give to someone else unless you are aware of your own positive qualities and strong points. When you focus on your own…

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Anger Management For Kids

Anger is a choice and you and your children need to realize that you can respond to situations in any way you choose. Some responses may be automatic (anger) however that does not make them right or mean that you are not responsible, it just means that you need a strategy in place to help manage and release unwanted behavioural responses.

My son has struggled with anger and tantrums since birth and as a result the impact on our family can be devastating. ADHD has it’s advantages but with it comes the anger, frustration and ‘down’ time.

Anger is linked to ADHD however that does not mean that we as a family need to accept anger outbursts or that my son has to learn that loosing control is part of who he is. Quite the opposite.

Anger is a positive emotion which tells us that someone has crossed the line so to speak and it provides us with an opportunity to express how we feel. Anger becomes a problem when we express how we feel in a threatening, aggressive and excessive way.

Everyone is aware when they have lost control though many people will legitimise their actions by blaming the ‘other’ person and it’s easy to do this. I have done it and I am pretty sure that everyone else of the planet has done so too at some point in their lives, however our anger is our responsibility, NOT anyone else’s. So if this is you – wise up! You get angry because you chose to!!! No one makes you.

If your child has an issue with anger then they need to be aware that this is their issue and that they are responsible. (However before you go down this route – ensure good parenting tactics are in place first!! There is no point pointing out responsibility for anger if you are giving mixed messages all the time – not only will this cause confusion but also frustration!)

Firstly, in order to get your child or indeed anyone to accept responsibility for their anger you need to take responsibility for yours too, or else how are they going to learn? Illustrate good anger management by doing it yourself.

Maybe even point out to your child a time when you were really angry and how you managed it.

Always apologise for loosing control too as this shows your child that no-one is perfect and every now and again we are all human can lose it! It shows that even when you do loose control by saying sorry you are accepting responsibility for your actions.

Secondly point out the times when they have lost control (obviously some time later when they are calm and not every single time!) and go through the situation with them. Point out the various choices that they had (to lose it or ignore it). Point out that when someone is rude to them that says more about the other person than them.

Show empathy. ‘I can appreciate how upset you must have been when XXX said XXX however it’s better if you ignore it and walk away because that way your show them that you are better than that’ etc

Thirdly, get them to notice the ‘trigger’ in their body which signals ‘angers’ arrival. It may be a feeling in their head, or a tightness in the chest. When they notice the sign that alerts them to angers arrival this is great because they can now begin to control their response to anger.

Now give them a coping strategy. Tell them to take a deep breath in whenever they feel the anger rising – whenever they get the sign that anger is boiling up. Get them to focus on their breathing whilst counting to 10 in their head before responding to the situation.

The best breathing technique to use which creates calm almost immediately is the diaphragmatic breathing technique. For this you take a deep breath in through your nose (point out that their tummy should rise not just their chest), hold the breath for a count of 4 before breathing out SLOWLY through the mouth. (slowly controls the breath and the mind!) Do this with them so they can see you do it.

Lastly chose a key word that you can use to help your child recognise he or she is loosing control if they haven’t done so themselves. Let them choose the word – it could be ‘breathe’ for example but a better word would be one that is associated with something humorous as this can obviously help to diffuse a possible heated situation. Saying something funny can literally stop an anger outburst instantly! Try it.

If they still lose it – walk away and to not add to the flames. When calm talk to them and how they can change their response next time. Always, always let them know that this is about their behaviour and not about them personally. Reassure them of how much you love them and how you are always there for them – to talk to etc

Remember you as a parent are there to show your children the right way to behave so lead by example. you are also there to help them with issues they find difficult and give them ways to cope. There is no point telling a child to stop getting angry if they don’t know how!! There is no point telling a child to remain calm if you scream all day and all night. So be reasonable here. Before your child can accept responsibility for his anger you have to do the same.

Remember anger is a choice.

Good luck!

Say NO and Mean It!

Reading an article yesterday I felt compelled to write on the subject of saying no. No is a simple two letter word. There is nothing complex in it’s pronunciation or interpretation. No is the opposite of yes. No is a full sentence and does not need clarification or justification. No means simply no.

So why do some of us have difficulty saying no and meaning it? Whether it’s saying no to the PTA or your kids or your boss at work who seems to have singled you out for extra work and unpaid hours. When you say no it should mean no and not ‘well I might be able to’ or ‘you know that I really don’t want to’ or even ‘I hate letting people down and they will probably not like me if I say no’.

People soon get used to the ‘weak’ no and consequently will try and force your hand based on past experience however isn’t it time you stood up for yourself, for what you want and for what you mean? Yes it is!

If you have problems saying no to people then try this simple exercise below and soon you will be saying NO in an assertive way that everyone will understand and no-one will doubt!

1. Think about a couple of past situations where you wanted to say no to someone but failed. You may have started with no but ended up with ‘okay if you want’ (what about what you want?!!)
2. Go through these scenes in your mind and find the point where your ‘no’ became a ‘yes’. Notice how you felt, what you said, what the other person said etc.
3. Now go through these situations again but this time change the end result to a positive outcome. When you get to the point where you gave in before, see yourself now saying no and meaning it. As you visualize yourself doing this notice your body posture, the tone of your voice etc and how much more assertive you look and sound. Go through this a couple of times and notice everything that is different about this new you that says no and means it!
(a few suggestions here would be seeing yourself standing tall, relaxed, possibly smiling (though not manically) whilst saying something like ‘Thanks for the opportunity but I really can’t right now, so I am going to have to say no’. And LEAVE IT AT THAT! No does not need to be justified it simply means no, however you can be polite about it which is more likely to appease the other person. Say no with a smile (creates a feeling of warmth) and simply say ‘No thank you, I am fine/I really haven’t the time right now/it’s really not something I enjoy/I do not accept what you say’ etc. When you have said no simply see yourself walking away or changing the subject.)
4. Next write down all the ways that you can say ‘no’ nicely, firmly and mean it. Read them through and practice saying them with conviction. This does not mean shouting or raising the tone of your voice, if anything lower the tone of your voice just slightly as this sends out a clear message to others that you mean what you say! (I use this technique in class with students and it’s far more effective than shouting which merely lets others know you have lost control).
5. Now practice saying no to people who take advantage of you, in front of a mirror preferably. See yourself looking calm and in control, maintaining eye contact (vital!) and smiling before saying no. And then practice defending that no – ‘As I have just mentioned I do not have the time……but thank you again for asking’. etc! Make sure the outcome is the one you want!

When you run through this exercise you will notice you begin to feel more confident about your ability to say no and mean it! If you have a situation that you know requires a no then practice saying no before hand and remember always picture a POSITIVE outcome i.e. the one you want!

Everyone has the right to say no and some say it more or less everyday whilst others fear the consequences of their no. Sometimes it is appropriate to say no – if it’s to the attention seeking child to the annoying friend or to the guy down the road who keeps you chatting for too long about his health problems!

From today make a commitment to say no and stick to it! Say no and mean it!

Letting Go Of The Ego

The ego is part of who we are and if we are not careful your ego can run and ruin your life.

We are used to hearing comments such as ‘he’s on one big ego trip’ or ‘they are too egotistical’ yet what does it really mean. When we use phrases like these we do so in a way which pertains to the individual as being too full of themselves i.e. listening to their egos desire to be liked, to fit in. However are we not being egotistical by judging them?

Your ego’s role is to protect you from perceived threat or hurt and upset, however all too often our ego takes over where rationality should be. If we were hurt by our friends back in primary school then it doesn’t mean to say that everyone else from that moment on is out to get us although unfortunately our egos view, if left unchecked, could be just that which is hardly realistic!

For example, if someone is on their ‘grumpy horse’ (like my son this morning) your ego’s usual response is to take the matter personally and you will usually hear that well-worn voice in your head saying things such as ‘how dare they be rude to me’ or ‘who do they think they are?’

Both statement are ego based (the situation is about me) and far from rational (the poor woman is having a bad day).

Responding to someone elses bad mood in a personal and negative way will often end up with some form of retaliation in order to be seen to defend ourselves – to say to the world ‘we are good enough’ or we harbour a grudge, both create bad feelings and anger. And besides if you are good enough then do you need to prove it to other people?

The ego makes us think about our needs too much and places little thought or consideration on other people. The ego also tends to be ‘all or nothing’ – ‘they hate me’, ‘they think I’m stupid’ etc.

Now if we ignored our ego and realized that everyone’s human and that we can all have a bad day then our first response to the above situation is remarkably different. We become more aware of other people’s feelings, we are less judgemental and we are certainly more positive and less hostile! We live outside our limited perception and become aware that other people see things very differently from how we view the world.

So if your first response it to take what people say or do very personally then you are more than likely too caught into your egotistical response, however choosing to realize that there are other views of the world and not just your ego’s, can open up many more doors for you in your future as well as leaving you feel more rounded, loved and calmer and more content with life.

So next time that voice in your head says you aren’t good enough or that someone is out to get you – question it – as it’s more than likely you are good enough and the other person probably doesn’t even know you exist! And if they do know you exist and are rude – then guess what? It’s about them not you so move on!

Your mind is just that, your mind, so if your ego is controlling it then it’s certainly controlling you, so maybe it’s about time you thought about taking back control of your mind.

Try mediation or mindfulness. Be aware of the moment and choose to see the world through a more rational pair of eyes – see the world through the eyes of someone else from time to time – it’s amazing how differently things can seem! You never know you may begin to realize that you aren’t all that different from all those other people out there!

Love Is All Around

There is so much love around which some of us fail to see. It exists in every second, in every minute of every day. It exists for you and it exists for me.

Love is God, Buddha, Allah or Source or Universal love. Love is kindness, forgiveness, gratefulness and humility. Love is in a smile, a hug, a knd word or gesture. It’s in a thank you, I’m sorry, I love you and I care about you.

It’s in friendship, in families and it dwells in every household, cattle post, field, street, community, village, city, state, country and planet.

It spans generations, rivers, oceans, religions, cultures, societies.

It is in everything you see from the sun to the moon, to the butterflies to the beggar on the street. It’s in cooking, the freshly laundered clothes, the handshake, the words of wisdom, the smile from a stranger.

It’s in the sounds that you hear from the bird song on a crisp summers morning, to the songs sung in the shower. It’s the greeting from colleagues as you arrive at work to the compliment recieved from a stranger to the words of that song.

It’s in the smell of rain arriving after a drought, the scent of sweet summer roses, the smell of your favourite perfume or the aroma of that tantalising curry.

It’s in the taste of that lingering kiss, the bitterness of a lemon to the sweetness of strawberries. It’s in the combination of flavours in your favourite dish to the welcome wetness of water on your toungue on a hot summers day.

It’s in the touch of a hand, the softness of your childs skin, the comforting feel of being wrapped in your duvet to the feel of grass under barefoot.

It’s in how you feel each and every day, feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling positive, feeling like a hug.

So the next time you close your eyes to love – remember it’s there every second of everyday. It surrounds you, it’s in you, its what gives your life meaning. Open up your eyes and see, hear, smell, taste and feel the love around you.

Love is always there. It is in existence every day, every hour, every minute, every second for every one and everything. So let in love to your life and feel loved. We are all made in love and have a right to live in love.

So be present – live in the moment. Experience, see, hear, taste and smell love in all it’s glory. Pray, meditate, sing, dance, love…….and be loved. Be mindful of love!

Confident Children And Imagination

My son was a very anxious boy this morning. He is playing in the school team this evening in a deciding match for the league title and he is scared!

As a mum it’s all to easy to say ‘don’t be ridiculous, you’re a great player’ and leave it at that, but if your child is really worried about something or lacking confidence then surely there is a better way to help them that just offering reassurance?

Well thankfully there is! Confidence is based on perception i.e. your child’s own idea of whether they feel they can do something well or not and like us all, confidence can be diminished through ‘bad’ experiences. And when I say ‘bad’ the experiences themselves may not necessarily be bad but the meanings we take from them may be.

So your son is anxious about a match or your daughter feels scared about doing her Show and Tell – how can you help them?

Two ways really and both very simple and incredibly powerful.

The first one is to get them to ‘rehearse’ what they are going to do in their mind and talk them through it with as much positivity as possible. Make them feel incredible and make sure that every detail is positive and that the outcome is a success.

Not only will this boost their confidence as you are doing the exercise but it also programs their mind to do what they have been ‘rehearsing’ too! So when they stand up in front of the class or get in front of that goal, their mind goes ‘ah right, I know what I need to know now’ and more often than not, they will get the results the practiced.

However be realistic. Don’ set them up for failure! You son will probably not score 10 goals even if he is up front and not in defence! The idea is to get them to focus on the skills needed to get the results they want and to program their minds for success and remember what the mind can see you will achieve – so if your child focuses on failure (which is probable if they are worried) they are more likely to fail. So get them to always focus on what they want from this moment on (and you too!)

To help them feel more positive towards doing this and the following exercise, mention how all the top sports personalities carry out this exercise and how it improves their game/race etc.

Another great way of boosting your kids confidence (which can be incorporated with the exercise above too) is know as the confidence switch. This is quite simply setting up a physical anchor which when ‘fired’ produces feelings of well being and confidence in your child. 

So how do you literally turn on a confidence switch? Well the first thing you need to do is decide what the switch will be (a good place is a knuckle on one hand, the back of the hand or even their nose) and ensure you keep this ‘switch’ and that the pressure used is the same too i.e. press the same place all the time and with enough pressure to register the touch but not too much that it’s obvious. Also once this is set up the switch needs to be something that you child themselves can access themselves if and when they need it. So discretion might be key.

Once you have decided where the ‘switch’ will be then you need to set it. So get your child to remember a time when they felt really great, perhaps when they scored a goal previously or when they were doing something they loved doing such as dancing, singing or simply a time when they felt really great – perhaps playing with friends or on the rollercoaster! 

Get them to close their eyes if they want to (it’s ok if they don’t want to) and get them (with a little help from you) to talk through the positive experience as if they were actually reliving it again. Ask them what they see, what they hear and ask them to really focus on how great they were feeling and as you know yourself, when you focus on happy memories those old feelings flood back don’t they? 

So when you see that your child has associated into those feel good feelings (it will be very obvious with a child when they are!) simply touch their ‘switch’ for roughly 10 seconds. Then stop.

Get them to go through the memory again maybe this time bring in more details or try another memory. Again get your child to really focus on all that they remember and when you see them accessing those happy feel good feelings again, anchor them by touching their knuckle again.

Do this a couple of times at any one go – don’t overdo it as your child will get fed up! Do it again with them the next day or the next to ensure that their confidence switch becomes more powerful.

However one of the best things about the confidence switch is that your child doesn’t even have to know what you are doing! You can get them to focus on happy memories whilst you anchor these feelings by touching their hand (in the same place and the same hand!)/knuckle/nose in such a way that they are unaware of what you are doing. 

Also every time they are feeling happy, confident or at ease with themselves you can simply top us this switch by touching their knuckle for a few seconds. 

You need to go this exercise around 4 – 8 times and then try out the switch. Get you child to focus and then flip the switch and ask (and watch out for signs) them what they noticed? Keep topping up this confidence switch – whenever you child is doing something they are enjoying, when they tell you about a fab goal they scored at school or how they did this incredible dance move – just switch that switch. The more you do this the better the result.

They will be delighted with their new weapon of  mass construction! So give this a go – it’s easy to do and will make your child feel so much more confident and in control. Furthermore, the more they use this switch the more likely the behaviour is to become a natural part of who they are. 

I will keep you posted on the result tonight!

Take care and speak soon!!!

So What Do You See?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people can tell you exactly what they do not want in life yet when you ask them what they want instead, they become quiet and in some cases, somewhat put out that you asked!

What you want in life is important isn’t it? If you want to be happy then it’s important to know what makes you happy so that you can be happy isn’t it? It’s important to focus on reaching your ideal weight if you are overweight yet very few people do.

How many people have you heard bemoan their excess weight or not being able to find nice clothes in their size or indeed clothes to fit them or how they just ‘lurve’ food (which technically they don’t as they barely if at all taste it because they eat too fast)?

When was the last time you heard someone say ‘I chose to be slim and healthy’ or ‘I will reach my goal weight easily and effortlessly’? Very rarely I can imagine.

What you focus on in life you get in life. If you focus on being fat then guess what? You will be fat! However if you stop moaning and start focusing on what you want – to reach your ideal weight and shape and look slim and sensational – then guess what? You are more than likely going to reach your ideal weight! And besides doesn’t it feel so much better to focus on how wonderful you are going to feel and look instead of focusing on something that makes you miserable?

Common sense prevails here. Focus on what you want and you are more likely to get what you want. Also focusing on what you want is a strong motivator especially if you imagine you ourself having the thing that you want! It makes you feel so much more positive and the more positive you feel the more likely you are to attract positive things (those things that you want) into your life

By focusing on what you want you are also employing the powerful Law of Attraction and like any natural law, such as the Law of Gravity, The Law of Attraction is in operation 24/7. So use it and get what you want in life and all you have to do if stay focused on what you want!

So next time you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want instantly change your point of focus to what you do want and be specific and state it in the positive. Do not say ‘I want to lose weight’ as you are STILL focusing on the weight! Simply state something like ‘I will reach my ideal weight of XX by XXDate and I will be slim and healthy’ or ‘I easily maintain my ideal weight’.

So focus on what you want in life and focus on the positive things too and pretty soon you will notice a shift. So remember……..

Focus. Focus. Focus. Persevere. Persevere. Persevere.

Coasting Along

The Law of Attraction (LoA) is a hot topic most of the time and more so when you bring in the aspect of quantum physics too.

The LoA states that what we focus on in life we will bring into our lives. ‘Like’ energy attracts ‘like’ energy. Everything in the Universe is made up of energy and this energy vibrates at a certain frequency. Generally the more positive you are the higher the frequency. If you are a positive person you technically will attract ‘like’ energy to you i.e. positive things that vibrate with the same high frequency and vice versa. If you are a negative person and focus on bad things then no surprise you are more likely to encounter them.

Sometimes this energy is almost palpable. Have you felt ‘weighed down’ when you are with someone who is negative or depressed? Funny isn’t it? And how when you are with someone who is upbeat and happy you lighter somehow and feel better too?

But the one thing that many people do not do and this is why they struggle with getting what they want in life, is focus on what they actually want! A simple thing, yet unbelievably not many people seem to get the concept between what you focus on and what you have in your life.

Due to my profession, I know the importance of focusing on what you want in life and wrongly assume that most people do, yet I am always amazed when clients, family or friends tell me in oh! so many words what they don’t want in their lives but when asked what do they want instead, look at me rather blankly, as if I have lost the plot!

If all you see is the brick wall in front of you then that’s all you will ever see however if you ‘see’ or imagine a beautiful garden, with billowing trees and flowers bursting with colour and the sweet scent of summer, then you begin to create a new picture – a new life instead.

When I find myself in a negative spiral I know it’s down to me to change my point of focus and generally I do (and yes there are days when it’s hard and I really cant be bothered but that is also my choice!!!) If I chose to focus on all the bad things my kids do then I will see only the bad things they do however if I chose to look for all the good – I will see those instead. So next time the kids are driving you mad – tell yourself to focus on and reward only positive behaviour, as that in turn will promote a more positive focus for your children too.

So look for the positive in everything and you may find that people begin to see the positive in you. Focus on what you want in life and you may begin to notice things begin to come right for you.  Those things that you really want begin to show up in the most unusual of ways!

I have recently bought a new unit for my conservatory and as it’s wood I have had it in my mind to buy some coasters to prevent staining or damage. Buying these coasters has been on my mind a few times during this last week and due to one thing or another I hadn’t got round to buying any.

This morning there was the usual junk mail mixed in with mine, along with a letter from a charity I donate to. I looked at it and as about to put it in the bin believing that it would be another begging letter asking me to increase my donation, however something stopped me. I opened up the envelope and there inside were too beautiful coasters!!! I had to smile and say thank you to the Universe! Seriously what are the odds of receiving coasters in the post and at the right time when I wanted them?

So if you want something (my next item is an old classic Saab convertible preferably red) make sure you focus on it. Imagine you already have it in your life and let the Universe know exactly what you want and be open to receiving it. Remember though to always say thanks!

Unbelievable

Do you ever think some days that you must have come from another planet?

Do you ever look at the people around you and wonder how you can all be human beings?

Do you ever wonder how the world is ever going to change?

I do.

Whilst I am no angel I am certainly no devil either. There are things that annoy the hell out of me and there are things that make me feel I’m in heaven….floating in a limitless world full of opportunities and love.

However whilst many of us find some balance between heaven and hell (life is full of ups and downs) some of us prefer to live closer to heaven whilst others make a concerted effort to live in hell and forgo heaven completely.

I am sure you have come across some such people.  People who look for the bad in everything and everyone, who show no respect for the world or it’s inhabitants. Those people who ‘diss’ you before they even meet you. Why?

Why do some people show no respect for others yet demand (aggressively) respect back? Why do some people choose to beat up innocent people because it’s ‘fun’ yet are the first to complain when they are unfairly treated? Why do some people chose to blatantly hurt others yet fear being hurt themselves?

Well there’s your answer. People who chose to hurt others do so in order to ‘get there first’ because they believe everyone is out to hurt them. Those that disrespect others have been shown no respect themselves and continually seek if from others, unfortunately in an aggressive manner.

Those that physically hurt others are full of hurt themselves. They may or may not have been beaten as children but the hurt they experienced in life is still warm inside them and serves as a reminder to never let anyone else ever hurt them again. So violence and aggression are mighty powerful deterrents for these people.   

There is always a reason why people ‘act out’ but that does not give them the right to hurt or deceive others. Becoming an adult is about accepting responsibility for who we become and not about where we came from. 

Responsibility is a massive responsibility. It shapes who we become and our world, yet where does it fit into daily life? Where are the parents who take responsibility for disciplining their children and showing them love? Where is responsibility in the school timetable? Is it in the weekly departmental agenda?

The less we accept responsibility for what we do the worse the world becomes. The more we hold our hands up and say ‘sorry’ the better the world will become.

Love thy neighbour as thy self – which is a great line from the bible however what about those people who don’t love themselves and have no idea how to? How can they love their neighbour when they can not love themselves? When they hate themselves they hate the rest of the world too.

We are told we live in a civilized society. We use a knife and fork and have flushable toilets yet we still go to war and kill our fellow human beings because they believe something different from us. We mistreat animals because they are ‘just’ animals. We trash our neighbourhoods because we are bored and don’t give a damn. Civilized? I don’t think so.

Love is a powerful force – far more powerful than anger, hate, violence. Isn’t it about time we showed ourselves and our neighbours a little more love, compassion, understanding and respect? Imagine how great that would feel? Imagine a world full of people who gave a damn. Now that would be a world worth living in.

 

 

 

Remember a time…….

…a specific time when you felt great about yourself, when you achieved something or when you just felt so relaxed or great to be alive. And as you remember that time now I want you to really get a sense of being right back in that moment right now…..perhaps close your eyes and see the memory now.

See it as though you were right back in that moment now, as though you were looking through your eyes and really see everything that you could see at that time. Hear what you could hear – perhaps people talking – and really get a sense of how great you felt at that time.

And you may be surprised at how good you are beginning to feel as your mind re-associates into those feelings at that time. Now make that image bigger, brighter, perhaps make the sounds crisper and notice how the feelings become stronger and stronger.

Keep focusing on everything that was going on at that time and feel all those feel good feelings flooding through your body again and doesn’t it feel good to know that you can feel this good when ever you want to?

How? By simply focusing on happy memories or positive things in our lives – such as gratitude – you can begin to feel a lot more positive and a whole heap happier.

If you suffer from depression or anxiety you have a tendency to focus on the ‘bad’ things or those things that make us feel anxious. You go through old hurts over and over again replaying them over and over again in your mind however, unlike a movie reel which will wear out over time, these memories seem to get stronger and more powerful the more you play them.

Sometimes these memories become distorted in some way so that they appear worse than what they actually were and all the time our mind is remembering and reliving these ‘bad’ memories your body is re-experiencing all those old ‘bad’ feelings.

Your cells become accustomed to certain feelings (depression, anxiety, anger) and you stay trapped in a cycle of bad feelings, as your body begins to ‘crave’ those ‘bad’ feelings because it’s all it knows so you continue to focus on those old memories and those negative feelings. Then you get given a label. Depressive. OCD. Frustrated.

If you want to beat depression, anxiety, anger, sadness, worthlessness or any other negative emotion then it’s time to change the movies you run in your mind. However before you do that you need to become aware of them first!

So take a few day to ‘listen in’ to your thoughts, and discover what things you dwell on – and write them down. You will be amazed at how a pattern seems to form. Once you become aware of what you focus on, then make a commitment to yourself that you are going to change. Write this down to and state it in the positive.

So if you want to let go of depression and feel happier then make a commitment to yourself to focus on the happy things in life and always see the good in any situation. If you want to be less angry, then make a commitment to stay calm in every situation and to speak calmly and politely to everyone.

Once you have made that commitment, for the next 30 days you need to change the movies in your mind or those negative thoughts to ones that are more supportive of your new outlook.

So as soon as you find yourself dwelling on that memory of you feeling sad, say CANCEL in your mind and bring in a new happy memory (and yes you will have them you have just chosen to forget them!) and focus on this memory for about 15-20 seconds. Each and every time you have a negative thought say CANCEL in your mind and change to positive supportive thoughts such as ‘I am happy’, ‘I am in control’ etc.

Write a reminder of what you are doing somewhere visible so that you are reminded everyday what you are doing. Use post it notes and stick them on mirrors, cupboard doors etc to remind you to change those old movies or thoughts to new, positive and supporting ones.

Yes some days will feel like an up hill struggle and that’s okay. Persevere. Because it’s natural to come up with some resistance when you are making changes to your life. So know that it’s natural to ‘fight’ these new changes and keep on going!

You can change how you feel and depression, anxiety, anger, low self esteem and all those horrible feelings are all run on automatic. Your thoughts run who you are so make a commitment to change how you feel and change your thoughts.

However in order to succeed there are three words of advice for you.

Persevere. Persevere. Persevere.