Weight A Minute

I have a lot of respect for people who ‘own’ their problems and as a therapist, in order to help people overcome issues in their lives, they have to accept responsibility for them. That does not mean to say that they are to ‘blame’ for these issues, it merely means that they are willing to admit that these issues are affecting their lives.

I work with many people who are overweight and I am more than happy to help people who accept that something they are doing, or not doing, is leading to their weight issues. After all, if people refuse to believe that they are in any way responsible – how can I help them? I can try and tackle the manufacturers of the crap they eat, or the owners of the fast food joints they are addicted to – but seriously, even if I managed to close these guys down, would that really help my client?

I offer free consultations to all perspective clients and I met a woman recently who asked for help with her weight issues. During the consultation it become obvious that she refused to accept responsibility for her being overweight. She failed to see how anything she did or didn’t do resulted in her firstly being overweight and secondly, her inability to shift the excess weight. She had no health related issues that would affect her weight.

Asking about her past it became apparent that she had a lot of unresolved anger surrounding her apparent mistreatment by her parents. Once again, she refused to admit that carrying around anger from her childhood was her choice and hence her responsibility. In fact she was incredibly upset that I was not on her ‘side’ with regards to how she had a right to still feel angry fifty years later.

At the end of the consultation I asked her how I could help her. She stated plainly, ‘by helping me to lose weight.’ I nodded to show I understood. I then asked her how she believed I could help her. She was stumped.

I then went on to explain how I worked with weight loss clients to overcome any emotional attachments they may have to food, as well as poor eating habits and any unresolved issues or misunderstandings from the past that could impact on their eating habits at present. However, as she had clearly (and adamantly) stated during the consultation, that she had no such issues, I was unable to help her at this time.

Needless to say she was less than happy, very angry at the wasted time and off she went, never to be seen by me again!

However, if she had have been open to the fact that something she was doing was causing her issues, like every one of the clients I see, I could have helped her. But how can I help someone who does not want to be helped? How can you help someone if they cannot see their part in the problem, especially when they know there is a problem? You can’t.

Until you appreciate that every issue you have is your issue – regardless of where it came from – you  cannot move on. You cannot resolve any problems until you see that you are responsible for resolving them or dealing with them – no one else. It doesn’t matter how they came about, all that matters is that you realise you have a problem and that it is down to you to do something about it.

I have helped hundreds of people shed their excess weight – and I love seeing how thrilled they are when they get the results they wanted. The best thing is, these clients were totally honest from the start, some embarrassed by their poor eating habits or mortified by their lifestyle choices, but they bit the proverbial bullet and took ownership of their part in their excessive weight and as a result, were rewarded by an amazing and wonderful weight loss experience!

So next time you moan about your weigh,t ask yourself what you can do to help you let go of your excess weight. No one else can lose your weight for you – only you can do that. And you can only lose weight if you are honest with yourself first.

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You Drive Me Around The Bend…..

Now I like to feel that I do my ‘bit’ each day and I am sure you do too although your  ‘bits’ may be very different from mine!

I like to spend some time with my kids each day (and yes some days it’s easier) and one great way for me to achieve this is to spend time walking and talking (and snowball fighting if weather permits) to school. Granted I don’t live so far away or I don’t have to dash off straight to work either so perhaps it easier for me to do the school ‘walk’ than others,(why is it called the school run when basically the majority of parents drive their kids to school?)  however there are so many parents that could walk their kids to school but wouldn’t even think about it let alone do it and why is that?

A neighbour of mine opts to drive to school with her daughter and believe you me it would take longer to get the car ready to drive at this time of the year that it would to walk to the school, and I always wonder why she never walks? She’s not working at the moment so that’s not a valid excuse and she’s missing out on something really great. Walking is a great opportunity to spend some valuable time with your kids so why do we drive ourselves quite literally ‘around the bend’ instead of walking?

Now this neighbour could benefit from losing a bit of weight and a walk could help her increase her daily exercise,  but she is also missing out on some fresh air and quality time with her daughter. I see parents with young kids drive them everywhere and rarely see parents walking with their kids these days. So why do we prefer to take the car? Laziness perhaps? Convenience yes, but like everything we can chose to rely less on our cars and more on our feet and legs!

If you walked every day just think of the benefits you would gain. You would most certainly be fitter and feel healthier, you would not doubt feel better emotionally too (a good walk can ‘clear the head’) and you would be doing your bit for the environment too. Walking with kids, family or a loved one is a great way to spend quality time together, talking whilst you walk and based on recent research us parents need to make more of an effort spending quality time with our kids (and NO quality time does not mean watching the match on TV or playing on the Xbox with them that is more about you being lazy and uninterested!).

A young family moved into our close a couple of years ago and I never knew until recently that they had kids. I have never once seen either parent taking the kids out for a walk, even in a trolley, or for that matter actually seen them outside playing with the kids! Are we so ‘lazy’ with our time that we can’t even give the people that matter most, our time, energy, love and attention? Are we that obsessed by the TV or PS3 or Facebook that the most precious things in our world get forgotten?

I could rant and rave all day about the lack of time we spend with our kids and how a simple ten minute walk every morning or evening is a fantastic way to get to know your kids! It’s a time to laugh, to talk, to have fun, to discover what they enjoy, to find out what they did that day at school and not one of us has the right to deny our kids some valuable time – time is love, pure and simply. time with your kids lets them know they matter and more and more these days I see parents neglecting their kids with the one thing they need the most. Time, nurturing and love and attention, not to mention exercise!

We are not doing the best we can for out kids by letting them lead a sedentary life and I do not believe that for one moment, you really think that spending time cooped up all day inside is great for your kids. So get real and take some responsibility. You had kids so you need to do what’s best for them – just because you can’t be bothered or would rather lounge around all day does not give you the right to neglect your kids!

Get up, get out and get walking and who knows, you might actually enjoy it!