But…..And

Next time you go into a conversation with someone with the intention of coming out with an agreement think about your ‘buts’ and ‘ands’.

When ever someone is presenting an argument or fighting their case they will ultimately use the word ‘but’ to signify something that they disagree with or are not happy with and it’s something we have learnt to expect over the years. As soon as I say ‘but’ to my son he switches of automatically or gets frustrated because he’s expecting a rejection or a negative response.

Just as the word ‘and’ suggests that there is something else to expect doesn’t it and you would be right wouldn’t you? So choose your words wisely whenever you are seeking an agreement from another party. If you wish to negate the other person’s argument avoid the ‘but’!

Consider the two statements below.

‘I feel very strongly about this issue and I appreciate how you feel too and that is why it’s important to get this right’

‘I feel very strongly about this issue but I don’t think that you do so how are we going to come to any agreement?’

Which statement is letting the other person know you ‘hear’ them and want to work towards a compromise? Which one is more likely to open up the other person to your ideas too?

Likewise consider how each of the statements below would impact on the receiver.

‘I know I ask you to work late some nights but that’s why you got the job in the first place and why you’re still here’

‘I know I ask you to work late and I really appreciate all your efforts but without your valuable contribution we may fail to hit our target’

At the first but (in the first statement) the person is waiting for the negative and they get it so it really doesn’t matter what you say after that as the person has already got the ‘but’ and switched off!

However in the second statement the ‘but’ is qualified by a positive statement (your valuable contribution) and as a result is a more persuasive argument.

The ‘and’ works in the second statement too as it suggests something other than the expected ‘but’ and it allows us to add in a supporting and positive (persuasive) statement too before ending on the ‘but’, which takes the persuasion up another notch.

So yes you can use the ‘but’ but ensure you follow it up with a positive and persuasive argument and use the ‘and’ to negate their argument in a more positive and inclusive way.

Advertisements

Seeing Is Believing

Many clients come to me in the hope that they can feel more confident in certain situations whether that be driving, singing, dancing, public speaking or to simply feel better about themselves.

I usually see these clients for a couple of sessions however there is an incredibly easy and effective tool that anyone can use which will build confidence over time and as they say, the more you do it the more you will benefit!

Visualization is (and I can not stipulate strongly enough!!!) one of the most simple yet powerful self help tools available to one and all and is completely free! The majority if not all of top athletes use visualization to enhance performance and it has been proven that visualization is more effective than just training alone. Top business men, professionals, actors, singers and even doctors use this simple tool.

Why? Well first and foremost because visualization  reprogrammes our mind for success. Your mind does respond to the thoughts you have and the images you create in your mind too. So if you see yourself confident you mind will respond accordingly. Also the part of the brain that responds to what we actually see is the same part of the mind that responds to what we visualize too, so your mind will just assume that you are the confident individual you see in your mind and will accordingly produce the behaviour appropriate. And the more you see yourself confident the stronger the new neural pathways become to that new more positive behaviour.

Secondly, when you visualize yourself feeling good and acting in a way that you wish to behave, you will automatically begin to feel better in yourself too so visualization stimulates these wonderful feel good feeling more and more in response to the positive images we create.

Thirdly. The part of your mind that is responsible for your behaviours in the unconscious mind and this part of our mind has many duties, one being to move you towards pleasure and away from pain. So whilst you visualize yourself acting more confidently, you begin to feel better too, so your unconscious mind will begin to associate this feel good feeling with acting confidently  and as it wants you to feel happy it will produce more confident behaviour to ensure you keep feeling great!

Visualization may not be easy to begin with as you may not be used to creating images in your mind but believe you me, you do produce images daily in your mind whether you are aware of it or not! Think of something you love and you may be surprised to notice an image pop to mind straight away! If you do struggle with visualizing then daydream – most people can daydream and quite often do about winning the lottery!

When you see yourself confident in your mind you may notice your physiology adapts accordingly too, however really get a sense of, or an image of just how you would look, how you would behave, especially in those situations that perhaps you would avoid. How do you sound when you speak? How do you walk? How do you feel in yourself? So really get into how you would look, feel, think, behave when confident and most importantly is FEEL how great you feel when you see yourself confident because the better you feel while visualizing the more confident you the quicker the transformation!

Get into a routine too – visualize first thing in the morning to set you up for the day and several times during the day – it only needs to be for a couple of minutes to make a difference each day. If you are preparing for something that you need to feel more confident about then see yourself doing what ever it is, whether it’s presenting or chatting up that guy at work that you’ve had your eye on for ages, but see yourself doing what you want to do in the way that you want to do it and make sure that you focus only on a positive performance because remember – what the mind can see the mind will achieve!!

So get seeing you in a more positive light and see how quickly you begin to feel differently. Confidence is based on perception and by changing how you see yourself in your mind you are changing how you perceive yourself in everyday life too.

Good luck!

Successful And Permanent Weight Loss

Now I am not going to tell you that diets don’t work – you already know that! How many diets have you tried over the years? How many times have you successfully failed at losing the weight for any length of time? You may well have lost some weight initially on a diet but probably put all the weight that you lost back on once the diet stopped or your will power caved in. Which ever came first.

Diets fail because they are more about starvation and less about eating when you are hungry. They are more about not eating the food you want and more about denying yourself. I want you to NOT think about chocolate or cake – I bet you just did! You see in order to not think about something (forbidded food!) you have to first think about it – so no suprises it is on your mind!

Hypnotherapy has proven to be successful for long term weight loss in many research articles. Hypnotherapy will help you overcome your cravings (eating some of what you fancy as opposed to lots of what you crave); incorporate more healthy food options; help you notice when you are physically hungry (as opposed to emotionally hungry) and the comfortably full feeling you get when you have eaten enought for your body; change poor eating habits (for example chosing unhealthy snacks or eating close to bedtime).

However whilst all of the above are crucial to successful weight loss – as with diets – just ensuring that you alter eating habits with hypnotherapy is not sufficient to long term weight loss. If you are after long term or permanent results then you need to resovle the underlying  motivation behind your overeating.

Motivational factors include eating when bored, lonely, sad or frustrated or some people eat as a reward or a punishment. You may find that you eat to make yourself unattractive to the other sex (usually an unconscious decision and one that you are rarely aware of on a conscious level). Whatever the compelling force behind your overeating – until you uncover and resovle it – it will always be there.

Once cause of your overeating has been resolved, you no longer feel compelled to overeat. Further hypnotherapy is still required to change existing bad habits and once these have been reprogrammed to healthy eating patterns you begin to lose weight. You find that you begin to really enjoy eating food – you dont even think about food until you are hungry.

Your whole relationship to food changes when you resolve the underlying motivation to overeating and replace existing bad habits – you then go on to lose weight and keep it off.

Many of my cleints opt for the Hypnotic Gastric Band (which is hightly successful as it does tackle the motivation behind overeating as well unlike most other methods of gastric band hypnosis) as they have read such amazing success stories. However like the real Gatric Band – they Hypnotic Gastric Band will ultimately fail IF your motivation is not resolved.

As I uncover and resolve the cause of your overeating I gain permanent results. If you wish to find out more information on successful weight loss hypnotherapy including the powerfully new hypnotic gastric band (Virtual Gastric Band) then give me a  call today!

Remember – you only have one live so chose the life you wish to live!