Believe it or not….

…….But kids do love responsibility! Why? Because it gives them the feeling that you trust them enough to do something themselves.

I was sick and tired of tidying the tip that is my sons’ bedroom. Even I was bored of listening to my whining voice droning on and on ‘why don’t you ever put dirty things in the wash’, ‘please pick your clothes/toys/books up off the floor’ etc etc!

Something had to give. Surely it was time they took responsibility for keeping their room tidy? I did the washing and put things away so was it too much to ask that they put their dirty clothes in the wash basket and toys away? Not unreasonable at their age no.

I had to admit that I was partly to blame because I would eventually tidy up the mess and they knew that but now I needed to show them I was serious! They were old enough now to take on more responsibility and to learn to keep their room tidy.

So I dumped all their clothes from their wardrobe (not the things hung up but the things shoved in that they’d obviously worn or pulled off the hangers but not put back), stuff from under the bed or shoved under duvets (some clean and some dirty), along with their socks, underwear, pyjamas and toys too, which were literally thrown in at random in any drawer (hence not being able to find socks in the mornings) into a lovely big pile in the middle of their bedroom. Boy did that feel good. They on the other hand were not impressed.

I gave them simple instructions on how to tidy up the mess and asked them to repeat the instructions so that they wouldn’t use the ‘you never said that’ excuse and left them to it, informing them that if they wished to go out and play with their friends they would need to tidy up first.

As you can imagine it took them a good few hours to do, not because they had much to tidy up but because as usual they fought amongst themselves, shouted down the stairs at me and refused to do anything for an hour at least. However when it became apparent that mum wasn’t playing ball or getting involved and that tidying up was the only way they could get out and play, they eventually tidied up.

One son had done exactly as I asked and he went off happy but he other one (who is the major culprit) had just shoved everything back wherever he could be bothered to put them, obviously still upset that he’d been asked to do this in the first place. So his drawers got tipped out again and he was asked to put them back properly this time or the same thing would happen again.  As you can imagine he was less than happy but this time, knowing I meant business, he tidied up in less than fifteen minutes!

I informed both boys that I would do this exercise again if they ever let their room get in such a state again and guess what, their room has been tidy since (okay there is the odd pyjama bottom still on the floor and the bed’s never made quite right and the clothes may not be put back quite as neatly as I would but at least they’re doing it!) and all I do from time to time is remind them of what I will do if I find their room in such a mess again.

However now that they are responsible for keeping their room tidy they take it seriously now which is amazing! I have an ironing basket where I put their clothes ready for them to put away (I still put most of it away) which they do without question. However one day my youngest son came into his room when I was hanging up their uniform and told me in no uncertain terms that he was meant to do it! He was actually proud to look after his room!

Their room is now their room and they enjoy the fact that they are responsible for it now, even down to the hideous posters they want to put on the wall. I have asked them to accept responsibility for their room so I can not then take it away from them by asking them to take down the posters and tatty bits of hand written paper of their walls! If they keep their room tidy they keep the posters. They have decided to swap beds now too and I feel it’s because they feel it is their room now so therefore it is their decision. Not mine.

Your children are up to accepting more responsibility however it’s more likely us parents that withhold this because we are worried that they won’t quite match up to our expectations (and because sometimes it can be hard work lets face it) and guess what? They know that too so show them that they more than match up to your expectations and let them accept more responsibility around the house, whether that’s feeding the dog, washing the dishes or setting the table for dinner, just let them know that you trust them enough to do a good job (and don’t moan if they don’t quite get it right just praise them for doing it!)

Accept responsibility yourself for helping your child as there will ultimately come a time when they will have to accept more and more responsibility out of the home (going to secondary school, getting a job etc) and the more they get used to it the better able they can cope with the added pressures of life as a young adult.